Uzumaki Two face: To make a name
by Aberron
Summary: Sequel to Uzumaki two face.  Naruto has now become the new 2-face.  Unfortunately, that means he must now play both of the main leads in the upcoing Icha Icha Movie.  With at least three women after him and Hiashi over his shoulder, will this really work?
1. I'm doing what now?

I don't own Naruto, or Ranma ½, and so I don't think I should be penalized for what I think is hilarious. But in all seriousness I wish I owned the franchise.

Naruto was not looking forward to today. He had just gotten back from the best mission of his life, and now he had another one, one he could not hope in a million years to ever complete. He made sure to stay in his male form, avoiding his other half for now. As much as he had grown comfortable with it in the last month, right now he had no interest in seeing his other half. His current mission reminded him too much of some of the reasons he hated being stuck that way. "Stupid bloodline." He muttered.

His father had never had a bloodline, but his mother did. Her own grandfather had been given a curse, from something called Jusenkyo. The library had nothing on the place, if it even existed or anything else related to it. All he had was a short bit from an old bingo book about his great grandfather, who had apparently not realized that his curse would be passed down into his children. Unfortunately, the curse changed once it left his great grandfather. Now it would change based upon the chakra present in one's body, rather than requiring water. Even though that method still worked, you had to infuse chakra into water to complete the transformation, so it didn't offer anything really helpful to him.

Jusenkyo gave you a second body to work with, one that could be accessed at any time. Or at least any time you had enough of a buildup of chakra and were ready to change. Naruto just happened to change into a female when his bloodline activated. Apparently there was a point where you could gain enough control to not switch over to the other body, but that required very exact chakra control. For Naruto, he still had not really gotten very far in controlling his bloodline curse, namely because he had terrible control over his very large chakra. No thanks to being a jinchuuriki of course.

Sighing, he started walking back to the hokage tower. He really did not like the mission he was supposed to embark on. Jiriaya had written out a will, in the case of his death. Unfortunately Naruto could not rebuff it, or say anything against it. He had been there when the old pervert made the darn thing. In it, and Jiraiya shouldn't have written the thing drunk, the will specified that upon his death his hefty fortune would go to a number of economic ventures.

The first being the preservation of his precious icha icha, and the eventual completion of the movie. The movie was supposed to be based upon the most famous issue, the first, and would be actually tasteful. It was strange hearing the old man talk about a movie that was supposed to depict a porn series, yet the movie was not to show any such thing. Or at least that was what he claimed. Naruto doubted that very much. The old pervert sannin had gotten the script done and sent it off to his publisher before Naruto could read it, while they had been on their three-year journey. He really doubted that it was clean, since he had giggled the whole time he had been working on the script.

Yeah, the movie would hardly be clean, and every pervert in the five elemental nations would drink to the success of this venture. Jiraiya had been too well known in what he did, and Naruto did not have the stomach for it, especially since he had been recently spending quite a bit of time as someone that the old man would peep on every day of the week. Sighing, he did not want to think of his other half right now.

Jiraiya's will stated that his wealth, which had to be heavily taxed at his death, since he worked through the yakuza, would be divided a number a ways. Ten percent went to the contractors, the yakuza. Another twenty went to existing debts, and surprisingly the standing debt that Tsunade had. Another twenty went to Naruto himself, which would be given to him when he turned twenty. At the time he had written it he had joked about how it was supposed to be for any children he might have had in his travels, yet he was surprisingly infertile. His child support money (which he was surprisingly looking forward to spending on future children, though that might have only been for the effort to make said children) was never spent, so it went to his nearest kin, therefore Naruto. That was by no means a small sum. Apparently Jiraiya had been planning on a few dozen children scattered throughout the elemental countries, judging by the amount contained in the account.

Now that amount was his, though if he wanted to accept it, he would have to accept the other pieces of the will. The remaining fifty percent of the wealth of Jiraiya went to his already existing work, icha icha and its related corporations. It was enough to fund the movie that all perverts were so avid to see. The movie was provided for by paying already existing movie studios, and then some standing contracts to make sure that the movie's cast would be consisting of ninjas. Konoha was given the lead male and female roles, which was the main reason why Naruto was unhappy. He was originally only playing the male lead. Now he was supposed to play both of them. Both of them!

He groaned. Of course Jiraiya would haunt him from beyond the grave. He didn't even know about the stupid bloodline and the perverted sage was still giving him headaches, even though he was dead. Of course, if he had known about the bloodline he probably would have staved off his own death just to see his other half. Perverted old man.

Groaning again, he finally arrived at the Hokage tower, the location where he was to be tortured with this mission from his dead sensei. Climbing the steps, he tried to take as long as possible. Sure enough, he arrived at Shizune's office. It seemed to take less time then he wanted it to.

"Naruto!" She said excitedly. "Your early!"

Looking at the clock, he groaned. He was supposed to be late, not early. He had walked so slowly just to make sure he was late. How the heck had he been early? Groaning, he looked back at Shizune. "I suppose I can come to my own death early rather than later."

She laughed. "I think you deserve it after what Sai came in saying a couple weeks ago. Something about his undying love being declared upon the girl in his arms, and then he was trying to get Tsunade to marry the two of them." Shizune was laughing about this. "You realize that Tsunade uses Sai to do most of her paperwork here in the office, right?" Naruto paled. Tsunade had no one to do her paperwork. That meant that a busy, angry, and likely sober Tsunade was inside the office in front of him.

His fear rose, a full realization of the wrath to come arriving in his mind. With trembling fingers he opened the office door. He, the arguably strongest ninja in the village, was deathly afraid of this. Well, he certainly had a right to be in his own mind. There at the desk was Tsunade, barely seen over the normally small amount of paperwork. Unfortunately, a few weeks without Sai to do it for her had lead to large piles of work that would have even a few kage bunshin kept busy. He supposed that was why she used Sai, who had great skill with his ink jutsus, to do the paperwork for her. Now, without him, he could tell that the great trail of paperwork was already wearing on her patience. Glancing at the clock, he almost whimpered as he saw that it was only nine in the morning. His mission briefing was supposed to last until twelve.

"Gaki." Tsunade said in an emotionless voice, noticing him inside her office. "Glad to see that you are early. We have a lot to talk about." She motioned him to a side desk, which wasn't full of paperwork. It instead had three scrolls on it. The first she took up and handed to him, labeled mission pay. "Here is the pay for recovering Sasuke Uchiha, though it will be going to your alter ego, and not your actual identity. We don't know if there are any Sound ninja who saw your fight with him, and so we have to create your other identity." She motioned to the second scroll, which seemed to be mostly filled out but lacking in some details.

"So I cant tell Sakura that he is back? How is that fair!" He demanded.

"It's fair because we don't plan on changing him back, Naruto. He can't use chakra and as long as he doesn't know how to change back, we have complete control of him. In fact, I want to take you to a council meeting today where we will be discussing what is to become of Sasuke. He has spent the last two weeks in Anko Mitirashi's hands, and has been given seals to silence him should he ever feel the need to speak out. Other than that, he has been nearly impossible to extract information from, as he is immune to our mental jutsus. Morino Ibiki has been pulling his hair out trying to find a way past the mental defenses that Orochimaru layed down inside of his mind. From what we were able to find out there, we hope to fix Sai's mind." She rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"All of this is your fault, so we will be sharing your other half with the council. It is time they finally found out anyways. Later we will cover getting you the seat that your real family left you. Your father had a seat on the council, and your mother should have considering this bloodline you have, and so these shall pass to you." She grinned at him. She held up the last scroll. "Finally, here is the scroll detailing the mission you will be taking. You will report for this mission with a few other ninja that will be hired out." She glared at him. "Be nice. Not all of them are from Konoha."

"What? Why is that?" Naruto honestly thought that this movie would be done fully by ninja from here.

"Apparently he really likes blondes, and Ino Yamanaka refused to play any part that wasn't a lead actress. I of course refused on principle, and being Hokage means that I cant leave Konoha for the movie. So, he went to a number of different villages and hired them for different parts. I know that he hired from both Suna and Kiri, possibly even Kumo. Jiraiya was always talking about some girl from Kiri that he thought was near to perfection."

Naruto had heard plenty about the same girl. "Her name is Yuna Kushitara. Black haired, really dangerous, likes to seduce people." Jiraiya had preached about her a few times, though Naruto never really paid attention. "I wish she was the one in this stupid movie."

"Naruto, you realize that the only thing holding this movie back was a redheaded lead actress. Jiraiya would not tolerate anyone dying his or her hair for this, he apparently insisted on it. Now, I would have had to wait for this shy little genin we have to grow up and play this part, or I could have taken the shorter route and placed you in the role." Tsunade's no-nonsense look told him that it was an easy decision for her.

"Alright, tell me about the stupid movie." Naruto grumbled, trying to settle down in his chair. As soon as he did, he felt the energy inside of him take a curve. He knew that feeling. He knew it well. "Dang it, I don't want to be a girl right now!" Unstoppably, though, he started shifting.

He could feel it move through his body, his bone structure shrinking as his muscle relocated itself. His feet left the ground, his body losing height and weight as the change ran through him. His shoes fell, no longer holding his feet. His pants hung, his feet barely poking out the bottom. He could feel his hands become more petite, more dexterous, and annoyingly not so callused. His torso shifted, changing and becoming rounded. Then his stomach did a twist and he had to close his eyes as his organs switched their orientation on him. His least favorite part was when his face changed. He never felt any pain; his chakra shielded him from that. It just felt wrong when he could see and feel everything about his five senses change all at once. His cheeks pulled and his nose shrunk, and the top of his head itched as all the extra mass in his body rushed upwards. This extra mass exploded into red hair, flinging itself outward until it reached his waist. This whole process took just under a minute, and was difficult to predict when it would happen. His efforts in this matter lead to nowhere.

"Why don't you want to be a girl right now, Naruto?" Tsunade asked, a slight smile on her face. As the only med-nin to ever see the transformation, she must enjoy seeing him defy every law of physical existence on a regular basis. The notepad was a pretty good indication of this.

"Because," He said, using his girlish whining voice, "It makes all of this more logical and easier to deal with. I want to be angry, and I can't be as angry as a girl."

"What makes this situation something for you to be angry about, I thought you were supportive of all this." She was just grilling him now, Naruto realized.

"I don't like the fact that when I am a girl certain things make more sense. It's harder to live by my emotions." Naruto said with a sigh. "At least I can get this whole name thing over with. I chose a name for this body."

Tsunade pulled out the scroll that covered his identity. "Alright, let's hear it!"

"I want to be called Nasuri."(Nasu-ri, meaning fast tomato. After manga episode 500-502 this made a lot of sense to call his alter ego.) Naruto said calmly. "I don't know a last name I could go by. I didn't think that far ahead."

Tsunade snorted as she heard the name. "You are going to lead me to an early death, Naru…Nasuri." She snorted again. "You could have chosen a less literal name, you know. Lucky for you I already have a clan name all lined up for you. You will go by the name Senju, as an adopted daughter of mine. Shizune won't be aware of you, but the council will be. In fact you and I are going to the council meeting together today. I'm introducing you and then having you sit in my family seat on the council for important matters. Do you understand what I am saying, Nasuri?"

Naruto, or rather Nasuri, was trying to reboot his brain after that comment. Him? On the council? What kind of move is Tsunade trying to pull? Was this all a joke meant to catch him or get him back for the Sai thing, or was this as she said it was? Naruto decided to test this with a question. "Baa-chan, you can't honestly expect me to be on the council, this must be a joke! Plus, I don't even look like I'm old enough to be on the same table as those old geezers!"

Tsunade shrugged, finding his complaints not much of a defense. "You are old enough, plus I really only need you to help me get something through today at the council chambers. There is a vote today and I know that ill need some sort of miracle to get it through. That is where you come in. Plus, as my ANBU and ninja, you are well prepared to go undercover as whatever I want you to be."

Naruto groaned. "I suppose you have some plan to introduce me? I mean, come on, baa-chan, I don't even look like I could be a member of your family. I don't have what it takes to do this!" Naruto glared past his red hair at Tsunade. He didn't want to stand up and shout his complaints, since these pants had a bad habit of falling down on his much smaller body. Speaking of which, he just found another thing to complain about. "Ba-chan, I am never going to go on the council. I don't own anything that I could even wear to a council meeting with my girl side." Inside he could see victory. He could see the logical retreat Tsunade would pull, seeing that Naruto had no chance to follow through on her plan.

With one shadow clone technique, another Tsunade stood next to the original. "Gaki, I already planned for this. Go into the next room and change into that kimono on the chair. Get rid of everything else you have on, I already asked Hinata for what size you are." She grinned. "Then we can work on the rest of your look, and we will be right ontime for the council meeting in an hour. Now go!" Naruto grumbled and headed into the other room.

Sure enough, there was a green floral print kimono on the table inside her study room. Naruto groaned and tossed off his clothes, knowing that he couldn't fight Tsunade on something this well planned out. "This better be another A-rank, Baa-chan!" he yelled back through the door. Next came the troublesome part. Kimonos were complicated things, and Naruto noticed that Tsunade had included some bindings for his chest wrappings, or at least what seemed like enough. As he tried to wrap them around his girlish form, he noticed that they weren't long enough.

"I am not paying you for this, Naruto. You owe me for the things you have put me through in the last month." Tsunade replied to his comment.

"Ba-chan, these wrappings aren't enough for me! I need longer ones!"

"Gaki!" That is supposed to tie around your waist on top of the kimono, now hurry up before I get in there and do it for you!" Tsunade's warning gave good cause for him to hurry. The kimono was on, hopefully well enough, by the time that Tsunade came in with her shadow clone. Both were carrying bags of something feminine.

"Um, is this thing supposed to show this much of my chest and stuff?" Naruto didn't like how this kimono didn't cover everything. In fact, it left a lot of skin showing and Naruto hoped it was just tied wrong. "I keep on pulling it up but it just slides back down. And it always stays open even though I keep trying to pull it closed. Is it supposed to do that?"

Tsunade laughed as she started working on his face, her shadow clone grabbing his hair roughly and forcing it into place as well. "Yes, that is the style. Plus, I am also announcing the S-rank mission you will be on for the next six months, so it suits you. My plan was for you to get used to it, since you are going to be doing icha icha, but starting now seemed like a fine idea."

"Baa-chan," He whined, dragging out the last syllable as far as it would go. "You are making this a lot harder for me to accept the mission!"

"Stop complaining! You accepted it weeks ago!"

"What, when did I ever say that I would subject myself to this?"

Tsunade took a moment to glare darkly. "When you destroyed my favorite paperwork junkie, dropped a female Sasuke in my office, and had Hiashi Hyuuga bothering my every waking hour! You cant escape this one, Naruto, or should I say Nasuri." Tsunade finished her touching up and dispelled her clone. "Now put on your fox mask and come with me. We have a meeting to go to."

Sighing, Naruto stood up and followed, feeling like a puppet on Tsunade's strings. "Alright, fine." He put on the fox ANBU mask. "What exactly did you want to council to pass?"

Tsunade told him, grinning.

"Baa-chan, I would do that just because, you didn't have to put me through all that. I will make sure I can get that through." Naruto smiled behind the ANBU mask. "in fact, that is just brilliant. Both of those idiots wont know what hit them until it's too late!"

Side by side, they both travelled to the council meeting. Both had a smile on their faces, though by the end of the day more than a few people would be frowning.

Coming into the council chambers, Nasuri, he had to remind himself to call this form by that name, kept right behind Tsunade. Everyone in the council room seemed to notice the kimono, which Nasuri had fully realized was indecent. It kept on sliding on his shoulders as he walked, his female form not used to such things. At least he had the ANBU mask over his face to keep his identity concealed.

Tsunade walked confidently into the large circular room, all of the council heads sitting with an impatient look on their faces. She sat down in her chair, Nasuri slipping behind her and sitting near the back wall. Of course Hiashi noticed him. His look of confusion and then disgust did not make Nasuri/Naruto feel any better. It seemed that in both forms he shared an intense fear of that man. Not to mention he was sort of dating his daughter and that made things all kinds of awkward. Nasuri tried to reign in a groan when she noticed that the Senju seat was right next to the Hyuuga one. Nasuri would be right next to Hiashi if everything went according to plan. That in itself brought discomfort.

"Hokage-sama, we have been waiting for you to decide this very important matter!" One of the advisors said, blatantly stating what must have the rest of the council so impatient. "You have been avoiding this decision for the past week!"

Tsunade just shrugged it off. "I have been finding my adopted niece's birth certificate, which will give her the empty Senju seat at this council."

"What?" The same advisor said, very surprised. "This is absurd, the Senju clan is already known, you could not have found another member out of no where!"

"So I am not allowed to adopt someone? I certainly am past childbearing age, unless some of you are only concerned about my superficial appearance." Tsunade waited for anyone to challenge her age, which in this rare situation was a benefit. Of course no one dared to. "My niece, Nasuri, you all might know as my latest ANBU, fox, right here behind me. She has been trained in the ninja arts since a young age, and I just now have brought her back to Konoha." Tsunade and the whole council faced Nasuri, now. Tsunade made a invitational motion, and Nasuri stood up.

The annoying kimono was inviting a lot of attention away from Nasuri's face. Of course, Hiashi had a scowl on his face. He had realized where Nasuri would be sitting as well. "Remove your mask, Nasuri, so that this council can start it's deliberation." As ordered, Nasuri took of 'her' mask. Inside, he was freaking out. There was no way these people wouldn't see through this disguise. I mean, Hiashi had seen right through it, so these people shold have no trouble.

With an embarrassed smile on his face, he greeted the council. "Hi there." With a small wave(He couldn't trust this cursed kimono Tsunade made him wear) he looked over everyone. "I'm Nasuri Senju!" His whiny high pitched feminine voice echoed across the walls, only silence greeting him. The council were all stone cold glares, a universal wall of impatient displeasure.

The Hokage's advisors grumbled some form of communication between their frail faces, finally settling on their choice a couple minutes later. "Nasuri Senju will be seated in her family's seat. She is a recognized member of this council until her records will be scrutinized and studied. We will hold her under probation until such time as we choose to grant her full rights as a council member."

Nasuri simpered to 'her' seat. Stupid shoes. Stupid kimono. He could only simper like this. It was as if Tsunade was forcing him to get ready for this whole movie extravaganza. As soon as she was seated, the advisors got ready to speak up to Tsunade again, but she overruled them with a glare. "Nasuri, here, has quite the interesting story. She finally proved herself as a Senju earlier this month, when she and a combined team from Konoha captured Sasuke Uchiha and took him into custody. She herself was responsible for the takedown."

Nasuri grinned with a look of arrogance. The other members of the council were outraged. There were cries for blood from the Uchiha, as many people had lost family members to the new Sound village. Hiashi had his head buried in his hands, muttering something about his daughter sending him even earlier into his mid-life crisis. The man next to him seemed to be muttering about the possibility that Nasuri was Hiashi's daughter as well, just to round out the discussion. The council now started changing the subject of their glares to Tsunade.

"Hokage-hime, now that you are here, we need you to decide what we will do with the Uchiha, you have waited long enough!" Someone said, impatience boiling over.

"Rather than cave in to your stupidity, I have my own solution." Tsunade said bluntly, many of the council glaring as she openly spoke of their intentions. "My niece has a motion for the council, and as a new member she is allowed one free motion as a junior member. I do believe that she will be allowed this motion, which I hope will allay your fears."

The council definitely recognized the fact that Nasuri was a puppet. Still, the attention went to the Hokage's advisors, who were to decide if this would go through. Nasuki had gone over everything Tsunade had told him, ready to enact their plan.

"This is true, this is true," The Advisors muttered. After this, some more groaning and grunting occurred between the two old retired ninja, which of course was undecipherable. This continued for another few minutes, presumably the old geezers trying to find a way around the issue. Thankfully, it seemed as if they were not able to find one. Trying to see what kind of emotion they were displaying was rather difficult, as the many ancient folds of skin disguised it. Nasuri just thought that they were ugly, old paperweights. He hadn't seen either of them use a jutsu in his lifetime, even during the Sound invasion. "We allow this motion. Senju-san," The honorific was stressed, probably to remind him about the probationary state he was in, "You may propose your motion, if only to get past this stalemate."

Nasuri, or rather Naruto, was smiling now. He knew from experience that the council was shifting their glares to him. Without any waiting, as the impatience was palpable now, he stood and straightened to address the council.

"I hereby make a motion to have Sasuke Uchiha placed under the watch of a ninja, one that will be able to keep a constant watch over him for the rest of his life, or rather hers." The council were all paying attention, now, and the heads of families were all focused upon him. Stupid kimono, some of their eyes never rose above his collarbone. "I used a kinjutsu that leaves its target permanently in the state I choose to leave them in, as I was left with no other choice. Knowing he was an Uchiha and knowing the fact that Konoha seeks to have the return of his bloodline, I transformed his gender. As far as I know of, there is no way for him to escape from this jutsu. After his treatment from the Hyuuga, his ability to use chakra has been returned to the state that it was when he was a child. It will return, eventually. From what I have learned from Lord Hiashi, it is different for each person. The motion I am making is to have a ninja permanently assigned to Sasuke Uchiha, to watch him and make sure he is never able to become a ninja who can threaten Konoha again."

Many hands were raised by the council members. Shikaku Nara, usually asleep in these meetings, was awake and paying attention. "What was this kinjutsu, and why have we not been notified of it being placed I the sealed scroll of the hokage?" Aburame Shibi asked, his logical thinking coming forward.

"You won't find it." Naruto/Nasuri said. "I created it myself, and I don't plan on using it again if I can help it." He lied, hoping against hope that Tsunade would help him here. By the look on her face, it may have been that she might be believing him and wanting to know as well. Crap. That meant that she wouldn't support him on this either. On the other hand, he had never truly debriefed her on what he did. So, he had just dug himself into a hole. "My motion, though, is to have Sasuke Uchiha placed under an assumed name and placed into an arranged marriage. Under such a cover, as a civilian wife, 'she' will be protected and kept secret. This also means that we must place 'her' with a ninja that could outwit her and keep track of her." Nasuri finished.

The council were torn. Each had their own ambitions to play out. They all could, it was only a matter of who would be able to benefit the most from this motion. Shikaku Nara was the first to stand up. "I assume you are leaving the choice of shinobi up to the council?"

Nasuri nodded as she had been told to: like a giddy little girl with a crush. "Yup!" She chirped. "I assume also that you all will let this pass?" She asked, grinning. For most of the council this was a great chance to fulfill their goals, but the difficulty in reaching them also existed.

"I second this motion." Hiashi said, focusing on the debate more than the fact that the thing that was supposed to be with his daughter and making a more wholesome relationship(which he wholeheartedly disapproved of on the outside!) and improving his chances of avoiding a mid life crisis. His victory fan awaited, a weapon that few, even the council, had the right to question. "I see a great opportunity to keep the Sharingan inside of Konoha. If we can force Sasuke to have children, of course."

Inoichi Yamanaka also spoke up. "We would have to wed this Uchiha to one of the clans, then. Someone who will be able to bring up the bloodline in secret."

Aburame Shibi continued. "Which of course only leaves clans with male heirs that are genius level ninja, and familiar with the Uchiha. The clan would also have to be secretive or have some kind of cover, not to mention have physical traits that could disguise the sharingan, hopefully long enough for another generation to reach adulthood."

"That only leaves four ninja in Konoha." Shikaku Nara said, his fingers entwined in thought. Instead of his usual laziness, he was bright eyed and alert, finding this something worthy of his attention. "Only four are capable enough to stop the Uchiha at full power. Aburame Shino, Shikamaru, my son, Hyuuga Neji, and finally Uzumaki Naruto." He finished, looking around the table.

Hiashi and Nasuri both groaned. Those were not safe choices for them. No, not one bit. Both gave a glance at the other and nodded. Hiashi stood up, straightening his clothing as he did so. For some reason one of his hands rested on the victory fan at his belt. Added comfort, the old man kept telling himself. "I must object. Previous attempts to create a cross breed between the Hyuuga and the Uchiha have always ended badly. I also object to Naruto, as such an action would only lead to unrest among the Hyuuga. Perhaps someone else, then."

"Unrest among the Hyuuga?" Inoichi said carefully. "Whatever is this unrest you mention among the calmest clan in Konoha?"

Hiashi grumbled. They were forcing his hand. "My daughter and heir is currently in a relationship with the young man, as much as I oppose it." (openly, of course) He cleared his throat. "She would react unfavorably to such an action, and the consequences of such an act will not be small. Feuds may occur." There was no way that Hiashi would openly acknowledge Naruto as someone he preferred for his daughter. Inoichi wouldn't get him there.

Nasuri stood up. He hated to do this to himself, of all people, but he had to for Hinata's sake. "I second that. When I fought with Naruto to help bring Sasuke down, I saw the way he fought and I wasn't impressed. He may have more chakra than the ocean has water, but I found nothing there that would support a genius mind necessary to counter the Uchiha. I recommend one of the other choices." Inside, Nasuri was pissed. 'She' just had to completely make a fool of her male half. At least it would be a good cover to keep this form separated from her male form.

The grumbling among the other council members moved to the remaining two choices. As this happened, Hiashi fanned himself with a suspiciously colored small fan, and Nasuri just tried to calm down. As well as curse at Tsunade for giving him a kimono that made it hard to move around in without bringing attention on himself. Tsunade herself spoke up. "As much as I would love to see Shino bring his analytical mind into this, he has the highest paying mission of the year to perform. He was handpicked for this mission years ago, and will be fully invested for the next year or so."

"What kind of mission is this? We are not aware of it!" Her advisors spoke out angrily. They were being ignored worse than usual today, and their tone echoed this.

"That will be discussed after this motion finishes," Tsunade said coolly. "I have over thirty S-ranked missions that Konoha will be taking in the coming months. These will be the next topic of discussion."

The council salivated at the thought. Thirty S rank missions were enough pay to cover the village finances for five years. They all began to consider what that kind of payment would bring to the village, and the smiles around the table were definitely predatory. To finish the motion, everyone glared at Shikaku. He of course seemed to be going through his mind, looking for any way to save his son from this fate. It appeared that he either found none, or had no hope for his son to actually get married himself, and found this solution to be adequate. "Then we will have the Uchiha marry into the Nara. What name will she go by, so we can begin forging the paperwork?"

"Suki Yukihara will be her name, as it is very popular at the capital with the illegitimate children born from our countries nobility. That will leave a large enough paper trail, and no noble born will want to publicly acknowledge that he has had such a child. I am sure that all of you would act the same way, eh?" One of the more relaxed clan leaders said. "Unless some of you want to bring up any of those children right now that you are responsible for and prove me wrong, I think it is an effective strategy." There was some laughter, and the man next to Hiashi appeared to be comparing Nasuri and Hiashi to see if such a connection existed.

"So, Suki Nara will be the cover name. She can yell and fight with Shikamaru and he can just use the same cover as any other Nara man does inside his household." Shikaku said. Everyone seemed to be interested in this tactic. "We wear body armor as we know that our wives will attempt us bodily harm. Any fighting that occurs is considered normal." He cleared his throat and sat down, ignoring the fact that a family secret was now out and in the open. However, it was a brilliant cover. Suki Nara would find no hope of escape there. Not only that, but she could act as difficult as Sasuke usually was, and no one would know any better.

Tsunade grinned. "Begin the preparations for the wedding. Send Shikamaru to my office after this meeting. Do we consider this motion finished?" The united wall of nodding heads of council members and aging flesh somewhat moving seemed to be an answer enough. Nasuri settled into her seat, drained and wanting little more to do with this meeting. "Alright, now we discuss all thirty of these S ranked missions. Firstly, know that every single one of them is for a part in the movie that Jiraiya planned before his death. The movie remained in planning stages until the main character's chosen actors became old enough to play their parts. Senju Nasuri here is the female lead, and Uzumaki Naruto is the male lead." Tsunade grinned as some of the council scrunched up their faces in disgust. Jiraiya was not exactly discrete about the subject of his work.

"What if this council wishes to not have our ninja's name be defiled by this?" One of the older clans asked. "I for one do not believe that our top ninja and a probationary council member should be attached to such a work."

Tsunade shrugged. "We have no choice. Jiraiya made you promise to fulfill any mission he specifically payed for as repayment for him supplying you with information over the years. In effect, he is calling in his favor from the grave. You might be more interested in some of the other people involved in this movie. He payed for quite a list. From Konoha, all female ANBU with blond hair and brunette hair, but no one with black hair, in between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, and they must fall into certain categories as described by Jiraiya." She sighed. "ANBU squad ten will be sent, all four of them to be placed on this effort as extras and security forces. Kakashi and Gai will be sent, along with their summons, as camera crew."

"How many of our ninja are to be involved in all of this?" Aburame Shibi asked.

"Strange that you should ask." Tsunade replied, which confused some of the council. "Your son was handpicked to be the director of this movie, as Jiraiya described him as a genius of innuendo."

The Aburame clan head sank into his seat, eyebrows showing puzzlement, and Nasuri could almost hear his bug colonies buzzing in discontent, or rather confusion. Hiashi stood up. "Am I to assume that all of this has a time limit attached to it?"

Tsunade answered him by grinning. "You are the one Jiraiya asked to be given the job of producer, which leaves all time limits up to you." Hiashi was shut down as soon as she said that. Pale faced, he slipped back into his seat. "Since you were in his genin team, Jiraiya chose you because he knew he could count on you to 'carry on his work'." Tsunade smiled at the broken state of the Hyuuga clan head. Hiashi was muttering something about him leaving the genin team because of the dubious nature of his 'research'. Tsunade continued. "Hinata Hyuuga, Sakura Haruno, and Tenten are also actresses in this film, functioning as well as a mobile surgery unit. For some reason Jiraiya insisted on having a full medic unit attached to the movie crew. There are no civilians in this movie, and for whatever reason not all of the crew will be from our village."

Some of the council seemed angry at this announcement. "Yuna Kushitara of the Mist village will be hired, as well as the Goroki brothers from Kumo." Tsunade sighed as the other members of the council were outraged. "Subaku no Temari is also being sent, as is her brother Kankuro. He will be on the filming crew, as his puppets are perfect for mounting cameras into. It will be an equal amount of rivals and allies." She sighed as she had to wait for the council to quiet down again. "More coming from our village, we will have Anko Mitirashi and her kunoichi team of genin as the costuming crew. Kiba Inuzuka and Neji Hyuuga will be hired on as actors as well, and the remaining S rank missions are to the ninja who are to take the footage and turn it into film." Naruto shuddered. The crazy snake lady was in charge of costuming? From what Jiraiya had mentioned, this was going to be a flashy movie. If the crazy snake lady was in charge of costuming, he was doomed.

Hiashi rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We need to see the script of this movie, Tsunade, before we can accept any of this. For my sake alone I need to see it, as my daughter and nephew are most certainly involved."

Tsunade held up her hands. "Jiraiya only left his notebook on the subject, which is in the hands of Shino. He is writing the script as we speak. I gave him his mission this morning, which was kept in a sealed scroll that Jiraiya wrote specifically to him. I have no idea what kind of evils are contained in that scroll, only that Shino was the man destined to open it." The council grumbled, but the promised favor to Jiraiya was not far from their thoughts. Neither was the thirty S rank mission payments. The village received a large chunk of that money, as did the ninja.

"What of Umino Iruka?" Another council member brought up when he saw that there was no way of stopping these missions from occurring. "He has begun a problematic tradition of desecrating the hokage monument!" Indeed, Iruka had begun the practice of writing messages the whole village could see. Fortunately the girl said yes to his gigantic paint plastered proposal, and Iruka was still on his blissful honeymoon, and safe from consequences. Hopefully that tactic would last long enough for him to escape from any punishment, but in the meantime people were abusing the same tactic, writing messages and making trouble.

"Iruka should be spared. These other vandals are to be caught and apprehended, as per the usual course of action. This is just a fad, and will go away in time." Shikaku Nara said, most likely just trying to get out of some effort.

"Perhaps we should look to another source." Inoichi Yamanaka said. "Iruka only learned this from a student of his, who is more likely the source of this fad. The genin team under Ebisu has also been carrying on the tradition, which has forced me to look more deeply into the matter. I am sure that this council remembers the morning nearly six years ago when the genin graduated, correct?" Nasuri wanted to bury herself into the seat. 'She' knew exactly who they were referencing. Having insulted her own male half earlier, it would be very bad if she tried to save this conversation from taking any further dangerous turns. She looked at Tsunade, giving the highly perfected girlish facial expression that she had learned from Hinata. It was one where the eyes were pleading, the lips slightly upturned, and absolutely dangerous for any male shop vendor. Tsunade didn't even bat an eyelash at the display. However she did stop the conversation. "Naruto Uzumaki, the source of this problem, should be the one assigned to deal with it!" Inoichi finished, who had continued speaking as Nasuri was thinking.

"I think I know the perfect punishment for him." Tsunade said. "While he can speak to those involved so far, it wont truly stop all of the offenders. No, for this offence I will place Naruto directly in charge of keeping Yuna Kushitara out of trouble and under close watch during the filming of the movie. Tenten and the rest of the medical team will watch the Goroki brothers. From what I have heard of the girl, she is troublesome enough that it will keep Naruto very busy." Tsunade gave a look at Nasuri that made her, or rather him in this situation, very uncomfortable. Naruto had no idea what the girl was like outside of Jiraiya's stories. But if they were at all true, he was going to be dealing with more trouble than he was worth.

"This might be the vehicle I need to free my daughter from her current relationship." Hiashi said coolly. Inside, the man was extremely worried. The best he had heard of the A-level kunoichi from Kiri was enough to make him desperately worry about his daughter's chances of holding Naruto's attention. The blatant lie he had just stated would be hard to recover from, but Hiashi had his own cover to keep. "Though perhaps certain precautions can be made to guarantee the safety of our jinchuuriki. As much as it pains me to admit, perhaps a kunoichi should be assigned to Naruto's tent to protect him." Hiashi said, hopefully now the council would be bullheaded enough to suggest his daughter, leading to an argument that he planned to fail spectacularly.

Nasuri wasn't doing much better than Hiashi. If she, or rather he, was going to save his relationship he had to move now. "It sounds like your daughter might disapprove of someone other than herself fulfilling this assignment, if what you said earlier about unrest among your clan would be true." Nasuri made a movement of wiping her hands on the annoying kimono. "I certainly have no intention of sharing his tent. Getting in between Hinata and Naruto is certainly more dangerous than dealing with the Uchiha." Nasuri was smiling within herself. Not only had she, or rather he, protected his relationship, but he had also somewhat proven that his identity crisis wasn't challenged. It would be seriously awkward to be assigned on a mission to have his female side protect his male side from some crazy kunoichi.

"Tenten and Sakura will be keeping track of the brothers from Kumo, and I do not think anyone would prefer to have Anko Mitirashi watch him." Inoichi mentioned, letting his last statement hang in the air.

"If that women is assigned to that mission who knows what might happen!" One of the lesser clan leaders said. "Even I do not wish that upon Naruto!"

"You would need to assign Hinata just to protect him from Anko, much less from Yuna." Shikaku said. "Hiashi, as much as you dissaprove of this, it might just be the safest way to protect our ninja."

"Is this not a disgrace to the Hyuuga clan?" Hiashi said, knowing already that this would be a loss.

Most of the council agreed with Shikaku, as Hiashi predicted. With a steady grip on his victory fan, he let himself sputter hardly effective comments until Tsunade stepped in. "We will just assign it as an additional B rank mission. That should satisfy all parties." She said, giving no room for Hiashi to sputter any further defense. He could have waved his fan around like a maniac just then. Perhaps a little later, he would, but right now he had just secured yet another opportunity for his daughter to finally get somewhere with Naruto. Naruto himself, or rather Nasuri, thought this was starting to be less of a boring meeting and a lot more interesting and profitable. Politics were rather fun, he decided. If it helped protect his relationship with Hinata it was all worth it.

"Can we move onto the next motion?" One of the lesser clan leaders said. "We still need to discuss the issue of grain imports that came in last week." Naruto decided that politics once again sucked. How much longer was this going to be?

Four hours. Naruto had barely made it out before he had to change back. The kimono still fit him Hinin his male form, which only served to aggravate him more. Rushing up to Tsunade's office, he slipped inside the side room as she tried to finish the new paperwork that the meeting had just produced. He was just putting on his things when he heard the door of Tsunade's office open.

"Eh?" Tsunade said, peeking around her paperwork. "Oh, Shikamaru, glad to see you are here. I have a very important mission for you."

"Crap. No cloud watching for a while, then. Who is my team and where are we going?" Shikamaru said, and Naruto could hear the disappointment in his voice. The sound of the young man dropping into his seat was rather loud, and Naruto hoped he wouldn't fall asleep there. Naruto was looking forward to seeing how the Nara would react to this.

"This is a solo mission. You will be working on this mission in addition to all other mission for a while. It will last until either you are dead or the target is dead." Tsunade said, disguising the mission for now.

You could feel Shikamaru rise up to pay more attention now. "So I have a solo assassination then, correct?"

"No." She responded. "You are going to hopefully last longer, and I think that you are more of a bodyguard to this person than an assassin. By death I meant by old age."

"If you don't mind me asking, Hokage-sama, what kind of mission is this?" Shikamaru said. "I have never heard of mission parameters that last a lifetime, with what seems to be no perceptible goal in mind."

Tsunade avoided the question again. This time Naruto could hear her almost giggle as she spoke. "Congratulations, Nara-san. You are getting married to the love of your life in three days! Come in tomorrow and you can meet her."

Naruto had his ear up against the door. He could hear nothing from the Nara. Listening, he finally heard Shikamaru say something almost a minute later. "Nani? What the he-"

"You will be married in three days to a lovely girl from the capitol, who happens to have a very special bloodline. More importantly she is an illegitimate child and we have to keep tabs on her. Now," Naruto heard the telltale rustle of cloth that he knew so well as Tsunade picked up Shikamaru and threw him out the window. "Come back tomorrow!"

Tsunade just laughed, something that most ninja in the village felt a great fear in hearing. It meant that something had happened and someone just got hurt. Fortunately Shikamaru used an ANBU as a target for his Kagemane no jutsu, and stopped himself from a painful fall onto the pavement. The ANBU was not so amused, having taken all of the momentum from Shikamaru's fall. Naruto came out of the side room and smiled at Tsunade.

"Baa-chan you certainly know how to mess with someone. Do you think he will even come back tomorrow?" Naruto said.

Tsunade grinned back. "Curiosity will be enough. By the way, great job in the council room. I didn't even ask you how you got Sasuke but now I am very interested in the kinjutsu you refused to talk about. Ill have you know that Sasuke doesn't even know what you did, as he had passed out and woke up assuming you had done something to him while he was unconcious." Tsunade looked at him with a great desire to know, and so Naruto decided it was in his best interest to tell her.

"Well, my bloodline can be copied, Baa-chan." She whipped out her notebook on his bloodline immediately. "Ranma's scroll said that it can be copied through my blood if someone knows what they are doing, and I assumed that Sasuke's Sharingan would be able to do the same thing. I was right. Fortunately, for people who have the bloodline, when you transform you have to build up some chakra as a shield so you don't feel what your body goes through. When I showed Sasuke I didn't put up my shield, and he copied me. That meant that he could feel everything. Even I pass out when that happens, Baa-chan. He probably has no idea how that happened. But I cant tell anybody about it without telling them about my secret, so I just said it was a kinjutsu."

Tsunade was writing, catching up on all he just said. After he was done she nodded, smiled, and laughed again. "Well we finally found a use for the Sharingan then, eh?" She leaned back in her chair. "I don't have any need for you right now, Naruto, as you are. If you transform, though, I have some dignitaries that I need you to-" Naruto was out the window and gone before she could say anything else. He knew better than to stay.

He did not look when he jumpd, however. Coming down, he noticed that the earlier throwing of Shikamaru had removed his usual catch point. Now he had no choice but to just drop onto the street. As he came down, he noticed a couple of people in formal robes walking along underneath him. Unfortunately he was going to come down right on top of them. He hit hard, causing both of the robed figures to try to dodge. He rolled, taking care of his momentum, and he came to a stop on top of someone he knew very well. Hinata looked surprised but very embarrassed to have him arrive like this. She smiled, making him feel weird and stirring up his insides, and then turned a darker shade of red.

"Naruto-kun, you should probably run for it." She whispered in his ear. Behind him, he could hear someone clear their throat. Naruto shuddered, hoping it was just Neji. To his dismay he say a Byukagan-activated Hiashi Hyuuga.

"Uzumaki! I do not approve!" The angry clan patriarch roared. With that Naruto had plenty of incentive to run as fast and as far as he could. Hiashi only had to touch him once though. He avoided the gentle fist strikes easily enough, having sparred with Neji and Hinata, but the finishing blow that got him was from the overly large victory fan. Hiashi somehow channeled Doton into the fan, and rocked him hard enough to send him into the woman's bathhouses. That did not go well. Ino and Anko MItirashi were there, and by the look on their faces Naruto had just gone to a very dark dark place.

Outside the bathhouse, Hiashi stopped. Now, it was not so well known, but Hiashi had been a genius himself as a genin. That didn't just go away. Having Jiraiya as your sensei made his perversion senses rather well developed. So as he chased Naruto he saw the perfect opportunity. The boy dodged just like his father. His favorite move to pull on Minato had been to kick him over the fence and into the bathhouse. This seemed to work wonders with Naruto. Then he took stock of who was in the bathhouse. He saw the entire kunoichi team under Anko Mitirashi, which meant that their sensei was also present. With a groan he also saw most of the kunoichi from the interrogation department. That was a little much for poor Naruto, but hopefully it would teach him the lesson Hiashi was striving for him to learn.

Now, as Hiashi had his dignity to uphold, it would not be proper for him to have his Byukagan activated within a quarter mile of the bathhouse. Not that he was a pervert, but he had to maintain some standards. Unfortunately what was supposed to be a small lesson in treating your girlfriend better had turned into something worse. He heard someone, probably Ino Yamanaka, summon a torture chamber inside the bathhouse. Groaning, he realized that he might have just killed his chances at retirement. That simply would not do. Turning, he saw Hinata had arrived, after using a simple Doton jutsu to clean her robes of most of the dirt resulting in Naruto landing on her. "Daughter, you may want to save him from his fate. I appear to have struck a little too well. Though let this be a warning that he should never treat you as a doormat ever again." With this he made a smooth motion of exiting the scene, leaving his daughter with the task of saving her boyfriend.

With a small amount of glee he stepped into an alleyway and gave his victory fan a wave. Retirement was even closer if Naruto had the indecency to pounce on Hinata like that. It was hardly respectable, but the fact that his daughter had neither fainted nor complained was a sign of hope. In fact, she had not even worried about it, save for the fact that her father had been angry. Byukagan still active, he watched as Hinata arrived inside the bathhouse.

Naruto on the other hand, was already bleeding from a couple places, and had a blindfold on over his eyes. Anko had stabbed him with a kunai, already knowing about his healing factor from the Kyuubi. Ino had threatened to pull out some of his teeth, at which he just whimpered. He didn't fight back at all. IF there was one thing he learned from Ero-Sennin, it was that if you fought it only convinced the women who caught you that you are in fact the pervert she says you are. So he didn't fight, waiting and hoping for the chance to simply runaway. That wouldn't be easy, as Anko had a giant snake holding him down. It was told to eat him if he moved. Anko didn't really seem all that joking when she said it. So, he waited. He could hear the debate regarding his punishment nearby. Then, the debate took a sudden turn.

"Oh, are you here to pick up your pervert?" Anko asked someone playfully. Naruto almost broke and ran right then, hoping that it was not Tsunade who had arrived. If so, he was doomed. Whoever the new arrival was, they simply nodded. "Alright then, here he is. Just don't let him look at us anymore." Naruto could feel himself being released, and he prepared to make a blind run for it. Then he heard the voice of the new arrival.

"My father launched him in here. It was not his fault." Naruto breathed a great sigh of relief. It was his girlfriend, possibly the best thing he could ask for at this moment.

"He still acted like a typical male caught in the bathhouse, Hinata. Face it, your boytoy is a pervert." Naruto heard Ino say. Hinata replied easily.

"He was trained by someone known to be a pervert," Hinata said, getting a little shaky. Now she stuttered. "I W-would be d-disappointed if he wasn't at least a little p-p-perv-" The rest descended into muttering that Naruto could hardly identify. Naruto truly did not know if she was lying or not there. If that was true, would she be happy or unhappy to know about his collection of Icha Icha books?

Anko interrupted his thoughts with a hearty laugh. "Oh! The rumors are true! The Hyuuga really are echi! Take him and go, just make sure he only peeks at you." Naruto could feel the snake withdraw, and he was free except for the blindfold. He knew better than to remove it. He heard Hinata come up to him. "N-n-naruto, can you please henge into something I can carry?" She must have been very embarrassed by Anko, judging by how much she was shaking. Naruto of course nodded and used a nice henge no jutsu to allow them to escape undetected. He only hoped that things would improve later.


	2. Dragging your feet

Again, we have our trusted liability protecting system, or rather a disclaimer. I wish I owned this, but I don't. Ranma 1/2 and Naruto are the products of someone other than me, and you can be sure that if I did own them they would not be as good. Therefore, let us celebrate the fact that I do not own them.

Shino Aburame was a man on a mission. He had just spent the last twenty-four hours with what any artist or writer would call perfection. Jiraiya must have spent years thinking about this, for it was very pure. Most surprisingly there was not a single scene that referenced anything too graphic, a true surprise. Shino owned most of the icha icha books, not owning any of the Hokage editions and he was missing a commemorative second summer edition. However, he felt that he had enough of a grasp upon the series to truly understand what Jiraiya was asking him to do.

The notebook and scroll he had received had detailed the plotline of a movie, which would run almost ninety minutes. It required action, a lot of beautiful women, and it required that the camera crew be able to peep a jounin level kunoichi without being caught. Many of the scenes were going to be difficult, as Jiraiya didn't want him to use a studio. A fully capable medical unit was required, which at first confused Shino. Now having read the full notebook he understood that it was necessary. Also necessary and without a doubt the hardest part of the puzzle was finding a strong male and female lead. Naruto he could see as a mostly clueless man when it came to things of a perverted nature, but hopefully Jiraiya rubbed off on him somewhat. He would need it. The other requirement was a perfectly proportioned red-headed ninja of Jounin caliber. He knew of none that existed, or at least none that could fit the standard Jiraiya had set. So then had they contracted out to a different village? Shino knew that Jiraiya preferred that both of the leads come from Konoha for some reason.

So, with great trepidation, he came to Tsunade. Jiraiya's notes had been specific about her. If she was still Hokage, she would never agree to be in the movie. If she agreed, she was to have a side role. Apparently Jiraiya had some incomplete notes about a potential sequel, but it required Tsunade as the lead and he knew better than to expect that to happen. Shino decided that he would avoid mentioning this. Entering her office, he found stacks of paper everywhere, with a couple of kage bunshin digging around and signing papers. The seal of the hokage was being passed around as needed, just barely flying past him without hitting him as he walked in.

"Hokage-sama," He began. "I have completed the script." In the distance, thunder flashed and an orphanage caught fire, as if expressing a bad omen in regards to this announcement.

Tsunade ignored the fire that was burning, probably hoping that some ANBU would handle it. "Good. Let me see it." He silently handed it over. Tsunade immediately started giggling madly. She obviously understood the first and most blatant reference.

He waited until she had calmed down, with many of the shadow clones reading over her shoulder and not doing the paperwork that they had been assigned. Apparently it was too much of a temptation to read. After twenty minutes she was apparently still enjoying it, most of the shadow clones having been dispelled due to rolling around in the floor in laughter. Absorbing the memories of the shadow clones had only made Tsunade laugh harder.

"Hokage-sama," He said. "I was wondering about a couple of the empty positions in the cast."

Tsunade took her eyes off the script for a moment. "I believe all of the positions have been filled." She looked at another paper, nodding in satisfaction. "Yep, all of the cast has been filled."

"Then who is playing the female lead?" Shino asked. "To my knowledge there is no one in Konoha who fulfills the necessary requirements. "

Tsunade laughed. "I guess you haven't heard then. My adopted niece, a Senju, will fill the role. Her name is Nasuri, and she was raised outside the village. That is why you weren't aware of her. She certainly fulfills the necessary requirements, especially the need for her to be a jounin. Who else were you wondering about?"

Shino took in this information carefully. He would need to be very careful that the Hokage's adopted niece came to no harm during the shooting of the movie. He winced as he thought about that. Well, she would only be abducted twice. Three times if it came down to that. Perhaps he could arrange that so that no injuries resulted from it. In full consideration that was impossible. The chances of her being injured were too high.

"That was my main worry Hokage-sama, though I was wondering who the producer was. We need someone familiar enough with the series and Jiraiya-sama who is also a master planner and schemer. In consideration I wanted to ask for Kakashi but he does not quite fit all of the requirements. I am not aware of anyone more qualified." He did not the fact that he was almost certain her niece would come to harm.

Tsunade smiled. "One of Jiraiya's genin team still is in the village. Hiashi Hyuuga will be your producer, as well as your editor. He should be well versed in the plotline of the book, as it was based upon one of his fellow genin. In fact he should be here soon to try to complain his way out of this same position."

Shino sat there, simply taking in this information. "So, then, are we to start immediately?"

"Of course." Tsunade said. "You leave in three days, but some of your ninja will be arriving late. Shikamaru Nara is getting married, so some of you team will be at his private ceremony. We need to finish this movie before the other hidden villages realize exactly how much we are putting into this. If they do find out I want you to stop any threats that you notice, as you will be team leader."

Shino was uncomfortable. "Perhaps they might already be appraised of the situation, Hokage-sama."

"What, how could they already know? Most of the out of country ninja were contacted outside of their village chain of authority!"

Shino and his bugs were afraid of the wrath of Tsunade. Even they were quiet in her presence. "I was planning on creating real combat situations, Hokage-sama." He said, carefully eyeing how close Tsunade was getting to upending the table at him. "I was planning on creating problems with the borders of Iwa, Kumo, Kusa, and Oto. Each has a relatively powerful border patrol, and Suna keeps its borders controlled extremely well by the desert techniques they practice. By aggravating these border patrols I hoped to first of all gain a real combat situation for those cast in the movie. I also wanted to have true simulations of kidnapping and rescue. Since you have named your niece as a Senju, she will most likely be the target of kidnapping."

Tsunade did not react as he expected. Rather than becoming angry and throwing the table at him, she sat down in her chair, laughing so hard that tears were coming out of her eyes. Shino, dumbfounded, had been prepared to run or escape. He had prepared a dozen pathways and routes in his mind that would give him the best advantage against the medic nin hokage. Seeing her current reaction just made him feel confused. _There you go again, Shino, reading the situation too deeply. No matter what you do, no matter how you plan, a woman will always surprise you. _His father had told him that once. It was certainly true. Women were nearly impossible to guess their intentions.

"Shino, that is brilliant! Send me any reports of any trouble along the borders. Don't worry about Nasuri, she can take care of herself. If anything, I want to hear about that more than I want t hear about the border troubles."

Shino was perplexed. "You wish to hear more of troubles relating to your niece, more importantly you expect them to happen?" He was not used to speaking so much. "Why is this?"

She laughed in response. "You shouldn't reveal this, but Nasuri had been sent on an S rank capture mission. She came back unharmed. This was what she did to prove herself worthy of the name Senju. She took down the Uchiha herself, but you cant tell anyone that unless I give my permission." She giggled. It was a sound that made Shino quiver in fear, thankfully concealed under his loose robes. "If she is put into any situation where she is kidnapped I would love to see and hear about what happens!"

Shino shuddered. He was happy that his own clan was not so insensitive. They might have very little emotional value in their clan and its expressions, but it wasn't downright dangerous to prove you were a member either. "I will keep you updated of every report, Hokage-sama."

"Im glad. Now send in Shikamaru, he is probably just sleeping outside." Tsunade said, waving him off. "You have three days to pack and prepare for this, so do whatever you feel you need to do. If you need anything just ask Hiashi. If he isn't trying to worm his way out of being the producer he should be willing to help you."

Shino nodded, and found Shikamaru actually sitting up straight. He looked as if he had not slept at all in the last day, and was rubbing his hands together as if to wave off this cold. Shino just nodded at him, which prompted him to enter the office in his place. He was just thankful that it was someone else that would now be suffering the wrath of that woman he called Hokage.

Shikamaru had not been able to sleep since yesterday. Ever since Tsunade had told him that he was getting married he had not been able to think straight. He had even lost at shogi, and to Ino of all people. Ino! Most of the time in order to win she would have to use her Shintenshin no jutsu, and that only worked half the time. Shikamaru allowed it only because she would have to return to her own body for the next move, so if he was more than five steps ahead of her in terms of planning he could usually outlast her attempts to control him. Today she had just sat there and played normally, and left him completely and totally defeated.

So, with great trepidation, he entered the office of the woman he dared call hokage. She gave him a very large grin, teeth shining like that of a predator. Shino must have at least left her in a good mood. That only helped his situation a little.

"Curious, eh?" She said, standing up and coming over to him.

"I always heard that the women did the arranged marriage stuff, Hokage-sama." He drawled, hoping that what he heard yesterday was a joke. Plus, she never did mention who he was supposedly marrying, so he sincerely hoped that it was all a joke. The hokage was known to bet but never to joke. So perhaps the complete loss of sleep last night was justified.

"So, do you want to go and meet her then?" Tsunade asked, walking through the door past him. Shikamaru shuddered, quivered, and turned and followed, saying very little. He was certainly trying to, but it seemed that nothing he attempted was actually making it past his stuttering lips. She wasn't joking. He was getting married. This sounded like something his mother planned out, but he knew that she would hold the threat of it happening for a long time before it actually happened.

Tsunade lead him to the tunnels leading from the underside of the hokage tower to the interrogation department. He knew the layout of these, as he had been among the team of ninja sent to clear them out of escaped prisoners in the last break out. The cramped spaces left no escape for the shadows, making him and his clan the perfect ninja to send into the tunnel. This time the shadows gave him no comfort, unlike the last time he was here.

"Now that we are out of the range of the gossip chain, let me tell you about the girl you are marrying and why it is imperative that she never use chakra ever again." Tsunade said. Shikamaru stopped, all confusion replaced by a profound feeling. This was a mission. It wasn't a prank, it wasn't a joke, though it might have been humorous. This was a mission, and as a ninja of Konoha he needed to do his best in whatever was assigned to him.

"What do you mean, Hokage-sama?" He asked very carefully.

"Outside of the council, no one else may know about what I am about to tell you. Earlier this month, Nasuri Senju captured and defeated Uchiha Sasuke." She paused for dramatic effect, which was not filled with a gasp. Shikamaru was instead contemplating this, trying to understand how this could possibly relate to him being in an arranged marriage. So far he was getting nothing. The closest his mind got to a solid answer was that he was somehow that Sasuke had some relative, possibly a half-sister, and that Shikamaru was somehow supposed to stop her from becoming an even worse monster than Sasuke when she realized that something had happened to her half brother that she may or may not know about or be connected to.

He realized that Tsunade was waiting for him when he felt her flick his ear. She didn't use her chakra abilities, but a flick from the hokage still hurt worse than any insect bite he had ever experienced, even those crazy centipede-kikaichu crossbreeds he once got into when he was young. "Did you hear me? I said that Sasuke was captured earlier this month."

"So are you telling me I have to marry Nasuri or something?" He asked.

Tsunade cackled. There was no trace of the stealth a kage level ninja was supposed to have. "No, I think she would rather kill you if you even thought that. No, the girl you are marrying is not Nasuri, but she has a very important role to play in this situation. She is not actually from the capitol, but that is technically where she is from. Her last name is Yukihara, at least for the next two days, which as you know is a very interesting name." Shikamaru nodded. When one of his clan had one of those bigger accidents the child was usually adopted under that same cover name, as it wouldn't be right to acknowledge such a relationship with someone outside of wedlock.

"So she is an illegitimate child, then?"

"Technically. In reality she is much more than that. She is brilliant. She is dangerous with almost anything that can be classified as a weapon. She has killed hundreds of people, and a number of ninja. Most of her attempts have been against members of our own village, though not all were successful. We cannot have her ever become a capable ninja again. Your continual mission will involved keeping her from ever becoming a threat to this village or its citizens. More importantly, with the practices of your clan we can easily conceal her."

Shikamaru looked down in discomfort. "What practices are you referring to, Hokage-sama?"

"The fact that the women of your family are known to be openly combative towards their husbands makes it a lot easier to hide her within your clan." Shikamaru groaned. That was not exactly a clan secret, but he never thought something like that would be used against him quite like this. He remembered his father's advice about women and family as he thought about this. _Now son, when you go about having a family remember that you must always have at least two inches of body armor on at all times, especially when at home. Most importantly, protect your family jewels because you don't want to end up like Uncle Hono, alright? _Shikamaru shuddered. If this girl he was marrying was half as bad as his Uncle's wife(the divorce never went through because Uncle Hono was lazy) then he needed every bit of help he could get. Uncle Hono had been rushed to the hospital but it was too late. His wife had certainly garunteed that he would never be a father again after that. At least they had one child before that.

He would probably never even make it that far. Sighing, he realized that they had finally arrived at the interrogation department. Tsunade walked right into the S ranked prison block, which only had a couple of cells. Each cell was as bleak and painful as it could be, with powerful seals written on top of each other all over the cell. There were enough that only the late Jiraiya could have made sense of them. It had been surmised that the interrogation department had been writing seals into them from the beginning, and had continued up until the current time. So there were enough that most people only understood half of what the seals did and trusted the other half wouldn't kill the prisoner. At least one of the cells was known to transport the prisoner somewhere else, but so far no one had arrived anywhere else yet. That cell was used as a threat or a source of experimentation these days.

Shikamaru arrived at the only occupied cell, filled by a chair and a prisoner. Over said prisoner was a maniacally grinning Anko Mitirashi. Shikamaru did not envy the prisoner one bit right now. He had no idea what that woman did, but whatever it was she did it certainly produced results. Among most of the ninja that arrived here, they knew of two truths. The first being that Morino Ibiki was probably the most well known interrogator for a very good reason. The second was that Anko Mitirashi was the person in charge of everything after interrogation. She did her job very well. Most of the prisoners lived in fear of simply attracting her attention.

The prisoner was gagged, but beyond that Shikamaru couldn't see much in terms of details. Anko was doing something with her head that didn't look very comfortable.

"Come on, smile! You get to meet someone very important! You are going to love him, I can just tell!" Anko cooed to the prisoner. Shikamaru cringed. He wasn't sure that he could do this anymore. Then Anko moved out of the way.

She was breathtaking, even gagged and tied to the chair. She was small, smaller than Ino. The chair was made for someone much larger. Her feet barely cleared the ankle restraints. She was wearing some sort of basic prisoner uniform that seemed extra large. Unfortunately someone had added cut marks and other attachments, obvious Anko. Again he shuddered. No one should have a pink fluffy snake toy as some sick representation of a sleeve. The prisoner had two, one for each sleeve. The snakes had smiley faces on them, something Shikamaru cringed at. Whoever this was, she did not deserve this kind of torture.

Then he looked at her face. Long silky black hair framed a face that was nearly perfect. He had never seen such a woman before, Her eyes were locked on him, glaring daggers. With an unobtrusive shrug, he made sure that his body armor was covering all of the important places. You could never be too sure. "Hey," he said, not really sure what to say.

Anko decided at that moment, to ungag the girl. With a flourish she pulled out the gag, which appeared to be yet another pink snake, and smiled. The prisoner took a moment to glare at everyone in turn, even daring to do so to Anko, who just smiled back. She cleared her throat and then focused her glare on him. "You Pineapple headed worthless son of a worthless clan! You are truly the worst example of mankind I have ever seen! You should just slit your throat right now and get your useless life over with!" Anything further was silenced by a snake with a smiley face painted on it.

"Meet Sasuke Uchiha, Shikamaru. Isn't she a keeper?" Tsunade chirped happily. Shikamaru only paled in response. There was no way he was going to survive this.

Shino watched as his entire crew gathered outside the village gates. They all seemed to be staring at him, for different reasons he surmised. Hiashi, at his side, looked torn between wanting to avoid this whole mess or staying in it to protect his interests. Shino did not mind so much as long as they kept on schedule. Anko Mitirashi was not there, apparently she and Ino Yamanaka were at Shikamaru's wedding. He did give a slight shudder. Anyone who invited that woman to a wedding was insane or worse.

Coming to the head of the line, he saw Naruto and Hinata, who were both leaning on each other and wary of the next person in line. The target of their wariness was the foreign girl from mist, Yuna Kushitara, who was giving Naruto a predatory look. She had long dark hair and all of the curving qualities that Jiraiya-sama had described. She would be an important antagonist to the main love interest. She was dressed provocatively, and seemed to already be trying to tempt Naruto. Perfect, if she could keep that up then her part of the movie would go fine. Naruto might disagree but Shino was alright with it. Hinata could be very possessive, and he had no doubt that she could protect Naruto. As long as Hinata continued to feel that pressure perhaps her crushing shyness would be kept from being a hindrance on scene.

Next to her were the foreign ninja from Kumo, the Goroki brothers. They were identical twins, and the biggest fans of icha icha in all of Kumo. They had brown hair and matching scars on their face, one from an accident and the other was done to match. The most difficult thing about the twins was that one was supposedly straight and the other supposedly not so straight. Both were leering in the direction of Yuna and Naruto, so he couldn't be sure which was which. He also had no intention of personally finding out.

The medical team was next, consisting of Sakura and Tenten, along with a medical surgery tent and most of the hospital's emergency deployment room in their scrolls. Protecting them would be extremely important, as they were the only source of friendly medical support he could depend on. They both were wearing the standard ninja uniform, but Shino would have most of the crew changed into their outfits for the movie soon enough.

Anko Mitirashi would handle that. As much as he feared the woman, she was an undeniably powerful asset. Putting her in charge of costuming would almost guarantee the cast being in their proper gear. He could see the females most likely complaining, but with Anko perhaps he could curb the complaints. Shino shuddered, considering the even Jiraiya had the good sense to keep Anko off the screen. The woman spoken of and her genin team would arrive later, but right now he was just trying to thank whatever deity was keeping her out of his hair for now.

ANBU team ten was next, and Shino didn't even dare ask them to unmask themselves yet. Two were brunettes and the other two were blond haired. That was all he dared to describe, save for saying that they seemed to fit Jiraiya's bodily requirements. Shino saw that they had a space all to themselves, as if their very aura pushed everyone else away. Shino planned on holding back on telling them their roles until the very last possible moment. It was better for his health to not tell them that they would play harem girls in addition to a creepy team of stalker antagonists.

After that he saw his team of professional perverts, or rather the camera crew. Hatake Kakashi and Maito Gai were his main camera crew, capable of peeping any woman in any bathhouse at any time. Or at least that was the requirements. Supporting them was Sabaku Kankurou, who had puppets for his camera crew. He also was not as efficient a pervert, as the man was used to hiding in the shadows and just using his puppets to peep for him. A real man would risk his own life a bit more. Shino was confident that they would be capable enough to film this movie.

Coming up after them were a few more ninja from Konoha. Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Neji were both on the cast as supporting members, along with his dog, and both seemed to be glaring at Naruto for some reason. Neji, he surmised, did not particularly enjoy Hinata being with Naruto so closely. Kiba was probably just jealous, as the man wore his emotions on his face and they had always been clearly readable. On the other side of Kiba was Sabaku Temari, who was giving a leer towards Neji. The blond woman was going to play a number of side roles, the first and most notable being an obsessive stalker.

This all made up his spectacular expenditure of ninja resources. He alone was in charge of directing what could possibly be the most important venture in moviemaking history. Correcting himself, there was no possibility involved. When, not if he succeeded this would be an epic moment in the history of all forms of worldly entertainment.

"Attention," He said smoothly, "If anyone has anything to say regarding their ability to perform this mission now is the time."

Only the ANBU raised their hands. Shino was about to answer but Hiashi got there first. "If I am on this mission then you are required to be here as well, no matter what your opinion was of the _esteemed_ Jiraiya sensei. At least some security is required for a clan leader and his heir." His respect for his olod sensei was laughable but it was implied. Shino breathed a sigh of relief. The harem girls and supporting women scenes were still going to happen. No one else dared to raise their hands after that. Everyone was in.

"Then we shall be off. This mission will last a few months and will involve more strenuous work than most of you are accustomed to." He said.

"What kind of strenuous work?" Kiba asked, one of the more openly lazy people here.

Shino decided it might be a better idea if he didn't mention the fact that they would be outright assaulting every border of the land of fire. "Combat is a likely possibility, as is the threat of being the target of anyone seeking our failure. Most of you have been chosen because you are all elite ninja that can handle the protection of this venture. Also, before we continue I ask that all females in this group sign these wavers prohibiting my bodily harm. After that we shall begin our journey." It was better to be safe than sorry. After all, he was the director of Icha Icha.

Meanwhile, at the wedding of Shikamaru and Suki, things were not going so well. The Nara clan had set up everything, and had taken the time to allow al of their wayward members to arrive. Shikaku was waiting with Tsunade at the altar, but obviously something had gone wrong. Neither the bride nor the groom had left their changing rooms. So, he first went to his sons changing room. The voice of his friends Ino and Chouji were coming from inside.

"Come on Shikamaru, she cant be that bad." Chouji said, for once without the sound of food in his mouth.

"You guys have no idea. She will kill me in my sleep and claim it was a heart attack!" He heard his son say. "I don't even know if im going to live until tomorrow!"

Ah, yes, that sounded like a typical Nara male getting ready for his wedding. No problems here. Walking to Suki's room, he could hear Anko in the middle of a tirade. Whatever possessed the girl to have Anko help her, Shikaku didn't know. Inching closer to the door, he could hear Anko laughing maniacally.

"Come on, you know that tonight is going to be the best night of your life!" She cooed to what must be Suki. He could hear something thrown at the door, it must have been a sharp edge or something, as whatever it was hit the door and stayed in it. "Aw, I thought we took all of your nice things away. I had better check you over one last time to make sure you don't kill your beloved husband, eh?"

That seemed normal. At least in this case since Suki was actually the Uchiha. He stayed and listened at the door. "You are so lucky I don't have chakra right now, or you would be dead!" He heard Suki say. Her voice didn't carry very well, but that would change over time and as she found more things wrong with her husband.

"Ha ha ha. So you would kill me with the cap to a makeup kit? Very professional." Anko returned. "Well at least I know all of the seals we placed on you are working. You haven't been able to use that knife there on the table at all. So I at least know that you cant actually harm your husband." Anko was doing something or other that cause Suki to try to jump out of the way. "Yup, there is no way you are getting out of that kimono without help. I guess you are just going to have to get married or else you can come back to your oh so comfy cell?" The hanging threat must have done something to Suki. He heard her mumble and sit down in the chair to submit herself to further torture from Anko. Still, this required some action on his part to get the both of them married.

Rushing back outside, he grabbed his wife Yoshino and pulled her off to the side where her voice wouldn't carry as well to the guests. She seemed fine with this, not wanting to yell at him until he had voiced whatever brainless idea he had come up with this time. "Dear, I think that we need to go with plan B on this one. Suki would never willingly go through this, and its for Shikamaru's sake that we make this happen. Im sure they could forgive us later, but right now I feel it is the best chance of success."

Yoshino simply smiled. "I have been waiting for you to break down and do this plan anyways. So right now ill leave you alone to your machinations. But I already have things covered. Uncle Hono owes me a few favors, so he and his wife will be in perfect position to assist us. They are already in place and ready for my signal. You just calm your head and stop being so arrogantly foolish." Her voice rose as she spoke the last, to the point that everyone within hearing range began to vacate the area. As soon as they were alone, Yoshino gave him a huge hug. "You aren't that foolish, husband. If you hadn't of done this then I fear that Shikamaru would never have found a wife. Thank you. Now lets make sure our son is married and a proper member of our clan by tonight!" She giggled. Shikaku smiled on the inside. A proper marriage was always concealed by a bad one. Hopefully within a decade Shikamaru would figure that out. Until then, well, it was nice to be a spectator.

Walking back to Tsunade, he calmly took her aside. "Are you sure this is going to work?"

She laughed. "We have put every seal that we can on Suki. Shikamaru is going to have to help her with near about everything. If that doesn't work than she can spend the rest of her life in a cell."

Shikaku groaned. "Last I checked she didn't seem all that incapable."

Tsunade grinned. "You just get that ring on her finger, and the seals will do the rest. Alright?"

Shikaku nodded. At least he could do that much. Then he heard commotion at the back. His son must have aggravated his Yamanaka friend enough for her to push him out of the relative safety of his room. Meeting Yoshino's eyes, he nodded. Uncle Hono and his wife were waiting in one of the side galleries, to which he and his wife moved to quickly.

"You know the plan. Just be yourselves and don't yell too loudly." Hono and his wife nodded and made the hand motions for henge no jutsu. At least being a troubled couple would be the perfect cover. Hono and his wife now looked like Shikaku and Yoshino. With a nod they went to their new seats, while the real Yoshino lead him down a hidden flight of stairs that were a very closely kept secret. It was no secret that the Nara had troubled marriages. It was a complete secret that these marriages were always accomplished without anyone escaping from the altar. Underneath the Nara clan altar and gathering building there was a small hallway. It followed the exact path the bride and groom would have to follow.

Coming to the head of the path, he and Yoshino waited for Suki and Shikamaru to come to a stop above them. The floor was old, and had many holes in it. Perfect for their intentions. With a grin to each other they saw that their targets had arrived. Putting their hands into their handsigns, they both molded their chakra. "Kagemane no jutsu!"

Up above, Shikamaru was trying not to look at his apparent wife to be. He could feel those eyes of hers boring into him. No wedding veil would be able to hide that. Ino had pushed him out of the safety of his room and right into the hallway. He had nearly run into Suki, who was trailed by Anko. Anko was in the only safe direction of the hallway, and her presence made it worse than the other direction. In the interest of not being stabbed by the insane woman, he started walking to the altar, analytical mind trying to find a way out of this. He could find none yet, as he was still bound as a ninja of Konoha to follow the orders of his hokage. Speaking of the woman, she was waiting at the altar for him, a maniacal grin on her face. She had come personally to see this work. He shuddered at the thought.

"Have you found a way out of this, Shikamaru?" The voice was calm, and came from his right. Looking down, he saw the transformed Sasuke Uchiha looking around as he had, seeking an escape of some kind. Seats surrounded the altar and the small pathway leading up to it. There was only one way out, guarded by Mitirashi Anko. No escape would be found there. Tsunade was at the other end, and there was a lesser chance of escape at that end. He couldn't believe that Suki was even talking to him, as she apparently wanted him dead.

Still, she must have realized that her only form of escape would require his aid. "Not really. I a completely surrounded by troublesome women." She glared again, apparently thinking that he had classified her as such. With a glare like that there was no way he could avoid classifying her as such now. Then he felt something very bad happen. He felt his shadow connect to an outside source. With a start he felt himself captured.

Now he knew there was no escape. There were dozens of his clan here, it could be any one of them. Against his will his legs began moving, walking in a slow practiced step towards the altar. Right next to him, keeping pace, was Suki. She was looking left and right, obviously realizing the same thing he had. "Kagemane no jutsu." He whispered to Suki. "Its brilliant. We have no further choice in the matter. No matter what we attempt we can only do so through our mouths. Do you have any ideas?"

From behind her veil he saw Suki clench her teeth. "I can feel some of the seals on my back activating. They are forcing me to do this. I can't help you."

Shikamaru was a genius, but he knew that he couldn't break out of this jutsu without outside help. Looking back at his team mates, he saw Ino with stars in her eyes watching him approach the altar. Chouji was bawling, neither of them in a position to help him. The floor here was strong, but it seemed to him that there were holes every few inches, almost as if they were placed there deliberately. It hit him then, the people holding him must be in an underground chamber, with plenty of room and access to their shadows. He saw his mother and father sitting in their seats as usual, but something seemed out of place. His mother had a look of disinterest at the corner of her lips, just like his aunt usually did. His father was lacking his characteristic smirk, having an emotionless cast to his face that one could associate with a eunuch. With a start he realized that those were his aunt and uncle under a henge. Which left his parents free to enact something that would be against his best interest.

"My parents are behind this one." He whispered. "Can you escape their shadow?"

"In this thing?" She said, looking at the kimono. "Not likely. The longer I am near you the less I can help."

"What do you mean by that?" He was surprised that the Uchiha would even be willing to talk to him, but from the perspective of a prisoner seeking escape, any avenue that offered that would be instantly tolerable.

"Anko Mitirashi has placed seals on most parts of my body. My tongue most especially. I am not even able to say U-u-u, my name." She said with a tone of distaste. "If that ring goes on my finger, I will be effectively dead."

"Is that a bad thing?" He countered.

"After what I have been through, this will be much much worse. You have nothing to gain from this either." They were almost at the altar. If they were going to escape, now was the critical moment.

"I will die if I don't, you understand." He whispered. "Tsunade is waiting for us to try anything." Then he considered. If his mother was indeed the one controlling Suki's shadow, then she would do this ceremony her way. He shuddered. He had a lot to lose if this was going to happen, but he could see no way of escaping and keeping his honor as a shinobi. Then again, if he could classify Suki as a woman in distress he could through a number of technicalities be allowed to get out of this. The problem with that plan was that he needed to file his intention to rescue a damsel in distress a week in advance. With only three days he had not been able to do so.

"Do you consider yourself a woman, Suki?" He asked, seeing if he could possibly rule this on a technicality.

"I know better than to answer a question like that while wearing this," Was her reply. Well that ruled out that technicality. If she didn't consider herself a woman he could hardly qualify her as a damsel in distress.

"Then I guess I can't help you, can I?" He said in return.

"What do you mean?" Suki whispered quickly. The stairs to the altar were seconds away.

"It's an old law I can rule out, that if you are a damsel in distress I can rescue you by technicality." He tried to explain. Their feet had reached the altar and were slowly ascending the eight steps.

"Only a lazy-" The rest was cut off as they had arrived before Tsunade.

She looked down at both of them with a feral look in her eyes. "Are you done trying to escape this?" She didn't wait for any reply, putting the robes of the hokage on and stepping to the step just above them. "Nara clan, we come here today to celebrate the joining of these two lovely individuals!" The answering cheer was unlike the normal casual laid back tone of the clan. It was then that Shikamaru remembered the customs of his clan in terms of marriage. It would be decided by the kiss of the couple at the altar. He almost laughed in relief. There was no way that they could pull that off. Then he realized who was possessing Suki right now. With a feeling of dread horror he felt more than realized what was about to happen.

"Let them be joined by tradition and by love!" Love, hah. More like the grip of fear. He wondered if his parents had experienced this the same way he was. As Tsunade finished her announcement, she waved towards him and Suki. Against his will he felt his body move, taking in Suki for one of his mother's characteristically long kisses. Shikamaru felt his hands pull Suki right into him and begin what he would say was two minutes of what he would pay dearly for later. His mother and father fancied deep kisses that could make a geisha blush. Experiencing it without having control over your limbs was an experience. Or at least an experience in trying to breathe.

He experienced shame, anger, and more than a little bit of lust. Try as he might, it was hard to ignore the beautiful women he just spent two minutes making out with. She might have been Uchiha Sasuke but she was also very pretty. She looked positively vengeful. Thankfully her eyes were trying to bore a hole into the floor and not at him. She too recognized the source of this mess. As they caught their breath Tsunade pulled out a simple ring, inscribed with the clan symbol. Suki had wide eyes, fearing the ring. As she was facing Tsunade she wasn't seen by the crowd, effectively hiding her unwillingness and fear.

"As a symbol of their joining the heir will now gift his beloved with this ring, signifying her as a member of the clan Nara forever!" She said with relish. She was certainly enjoying this. "Do you, Suki Yukihara, take this man as your husband, to cherish for the rest of your life?"

Suki shuddered, which would be perceived as anxiety by those behind. For Shikamaru and Tsunade, they could see the seal upon her lips activating, mostly hidden by lipstick. The shuddering was an act of fear. "I do." Her lips said, clearly and easily heard. The seal continued, still glowing and keeping her from taking back those words. Tsunade turned to Shikamaru, now the only thing holding back this process. If he could break through this, save himself somehow, he would be the first Nara to actually leave his wife at the altar. Most wives were more than capable of not letting that happen. In this case, he knew his chances were slim.

A shallow _thunk_ sound came from below the altar. There, sticking up right in between his legs, was the blade of a kunai. If someone had thrown it with real force it would most likely continue until it reached somewhere very precious. He did not want to end up like uncle Hono, and he knew his mother had great aim with kunai. So that was it then. With a grunt, a sigh, and a yawn, he succumbed to his fate.

"I do."

His fate was accompanied by cheers and frenzied crying, though the greatest of which was his own. He groaned as Tsunade handed him the ring, the one meant for Suki's finger. As an added push Tsunade crushed his wrist and healed it before he could present the ring to the clan. Just an unpleasant reminder of his loyalties, he thought to himself. Suki was hyper-ventilating, the seals on the parts of her body that he could see were flaring.

She obviously knew that this was the end. She would be fleeing if it wasn't for that blasted jutsu. Shikamaru knew better than to fight at this point. He thought about how much effort it would take at this point to turn over this ceremony and rescue both him and Suki from all of this. His mind immediately came up with the realization that he would probably have to give up his clan and honor to do so. Even though he had his pride to consider, it was not worth that. Well, better to die with honor intact. If he had to marry a beautiful woman to do that, too bad for him. Even if that woman wanted to kill him in his sleep on the best of days, at least the pictures would be nice.

So, with the regret of man already dead, he slipped the ring on Suki's finger. He could feel the charge of chakra in the air as every seal on Suki activated. Her skin glowed and trails of ink rushed from her finger with the ring. She shuddered for a second and then opened her mouth in pain, and Shikamaru did not envy her at all. If anything, she put herself in this situation. Her crimes were paid in the blood and ink of the seals placed on her. He could feel their shadows release, now that he couldn't escape any more. Even divorce would only lead to more trouble.

Then he saw her falter and waver, and stumble. Right into his arms she fell, completely unconscious. "What happened to her?" He whispered. Tsunade grinned while most of the clan hooted in enjoyment.

"The union is made and we may now celebrate this wonderful day! As soon as the bride awakens from her fainting spell we will make our way to the reception hall!" Tsunade voiced to the crowd, leaving them on their own for the moment. She leaned down towards Suki, and smiled. "She is feeling the weight of the seals. She will wake up eventually."

"What exactly did you do to her, Hokage-sama?" It was best to be honorable here, now that he had made his choice.

"We made a few extra seals on Suki. First and most obvious is the one on her mouth, which will keep her from mentioning anything from her memories as a missing nin. The next prohibits the use of anything as a weapon or in attacking anyone. Another on top of that prevents her from protecting herself." Tsunade said slowly, as if trying to remember.

"That's extra?" Shikamaru said, amazed. "What's normal?"

Tsunade pulled Suki's lip forward slightly, flashing a small seal in her mouth. "That's a truth seal, and if you count it as normal a binding seal, keeping her tied to you specifically." She motioned to another seal on the back of her neck, which appeared to be fading into her skin. Pulling the back of the kimono open slightly, he saw a multitude of other seals fading on her back, of at least three different colors. Too many for him to keep track of or remember.

"How many of those are going to be for keeping me alive?" He asked.

"None of them. Those are on her stomach." She said the second part after a long pause, enough to make him worry a bit. "Now, I doubt you are going to need some time off for a honeymoon, so tomorrow you are going to have some guests over for dinner. Got it?"

"Wait, who is coming over? Where am I staying?" He asked, confused and not sure when this had happened or how they could have arranged new housing for him so fast.

"Us, for one." He heard from behind him. Out of one of the side galleries he saw his parents emerge from a stairway hidden in a wall. So that was how they got underneath them. "Your teammates also, along with the hokage. So we leave it to you to prepare a four course meal and get the house ready for guests."

"Nani? What house?"

"Why, ours of course, your father made the excellent suggestion that we move out now that you'll be needing the space for the children."

"Wait, you expect children from her? Honestly?" Shikamaru knew that he could never accomplish such a feat. Not with Suki. His mother just winked.

"Son, we expect everything from you. You should know that by now. You just make sure that Suki is presentable and that dinner is served on time." She said.

Shikamaru just groaned. He didn't know how to cook. It was too bothersome and took too long. So, he made the first good decision for himself that day and jumped over the railing with Suki in his arms, headed for home. Forget the reception, he was done. He might be married but he still was himself. He could be lazy and skip his own reception.


	3. Lover's spats

Again, we have our trusted liability protecting system, or rather a disclaimer. I wish I owned this, but I don't. Ranma 1/2 and Naruto are the products of someone other than me, and you can be sure that if I did own them they would not be as good. Therefore, let us celebrate the fact that I do not own them.

Shino watched as the last of his crew came in, all present except for Nasuri. Tsunade had warned him that this might be the case, and that she would be able to catch up to him with no trouble. In face, he was planning on not covering his tracks at all, encouraging ambushes and revenge attempts. More importantly, it was time to test to see if the women would truly follow through on those waivers prohibiting his bodily harm. It was the first day of shooting, and he had found the perfect place for the introduction of the movie to be filmed.

It was a few hours from Konoha, high in the mountains to the northeast. There was a natural hot spring up here, with a series of pools that were a variety of sizes. It was surrounded by heavy vegetation, perfect for his uses. Being a ninja crew, there were no heavy equipment that couldn't be placed into sealing scrolls. So travel for the crew was simply done at regular speed of ninja. When they arrived at the pools, it was mid afternoon. Shino called the procession to a halt with a hand motion, and the women seemed rather happy to see the hot springs. Perfect. With a nod to Hiashi to start unpacking, he hopped on top of a rock to address everyone.

"Our first scene will be filmed tonight, with lights and cameras set up a half mile from here at the summit of that hill." He motioned to a random hill. He just needed something to keep the kunoichi busy thinking. "Take your time in getting prepared, and Anko Mitirashi has most of the Konoha shopping district with her. If anyone needs anything you should let her know. It all comes free of charge, covered by the movie budget. All of the men are going to come with me and set up the set. Ladies take your time and I will send someone to come and let you know when we finish up."

The collective groan from the male ninja was intense. No matter, he could fight them and not have to worry about injuries. If he fought one of the kunoichi, well there was a problem. They were in this movie because they were beautiful. Anything that ruined that beauty was not tolerated. His form of taijutsu left insect bites and angry red welts over any exposed skin. That couldn't be tolerated on his cast members.

Leading the crew, he grinned to himself as he thought about how this next scene would go. Halfway to the supposed set, he pulled aside Kakashi and Gai.

"You both realize why I did this, correct?" Both men nodded, Gai being very vigorous. "Then both of you prepare yourselves while I convince Naruto to go back to check out Hinata. You both need to have prime footage of this scene, as it technically will be the first of many scenes. I want you both to be unseen, unheard, and undetected. Hiashi Hyuuga is supervising what he thinks is going to be the set for tonight, but there is still a pair of eyes out there that can sense you." Shino pointed to the northern side of the hot springs. "Naruto will come from there. I want some good shots of him peeping on the girls, so make sure that you see him and the girls don't. If the girls see him, make sure that you get great footage of the chase scene. It will make for a fine opening credits background." Both men nodded and pulled out the scrolls containing their cameras. With a jump they both had begun their stealthy approach to the women.

Shino nodded. There, the cameras were set and now all that was needed was the cast member. He found him walking slowly behind the group, blond hair slightly mussed from a day of travel. "Naruto." He said in greeting. The blond turned around, looking surprised.

"Eh? Shino what is going on?"

"I heard one of the girls mention something about Hinata doing something that I was wondering about. I thought you might know."

"Well," The man said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand, "You were on her genin team, so you would probably know better than me."

Shino took a contemplative moment, just to make Naruto curious. "So you know about her tattoo, right?"

"What?" Naruto exclaimed, making Shino thankful he had come this far out. Naruto was not very quiet. "She has one of those?"

Shino shrugged. "I am not sure. I thought I overheard one of the girls talking about it, but you can never be completely sure." He waved his hand in a dismissive fashion. "I just thought you might know about it."

"I have never heard her say anything about that." Naruto said, honestly trying to remember. Shino tried to avoid that, instead pushing him towards his goal.

"Well, when you find out let me know. Apparently its somewhere she can hide from her father and friends rather easily." Shino began walking away. "Oh, can you go and collect some firewood for a bonfire for the set tonight? We need it in about three hours." With a wave of dismissal he left Naruto both curious and with spare time on his hands. Perfect.

Naruto crept through the bushes surrounding the hot springs. It was taking every ounce of courage to do this, to peep at the girls. Anko was there, and that guaranteed trouble if he was even seen. That and his blond hair was easily seen amongst the green foliage. But he had to know. Did Hinata have a tattoo? What did it say? Where was it? These questions rolled around in his mind, enough that he didn't notice the cameras on him as he snuck up to the edge of the springs.

He counted all thirteen women in the springs. The ANBU team was in the furthest, steam concealing their faces. Yuna was on the opposite end, closest to him. He gulped, noticing that she certainly had a tattoo, and it was on the lowest part of her back. It was small, in the shape of a rose, with lots of thorns. Hopefully Hinata's would be easier to spot. Speaking of his girlfriend, she was right in the middle of everyone, talking animatedly with Sakura and Tenten. In between her and Naruto he could see Anko and her kunoichi genin team. His eyes skipped right over the torture specialist, remembering her words from when Hiashi had knocked him into the hot springs. Castration was something he wasn't sure his healing factor could fix.

Then he decided to move to another vantage point. Unfortunately, his footing did not hold as he did so, and he went sliding down the slope. Frozen in fear, he sounded like a rock sliding into the water. He stayed under for as long as possible, and then used a reed he found to breathe longer under the water. He knew better. The kunoichi had probably heard, they probably knew where he was. Looking up at the surface, he saw no motions of ninja or splashing water. Perhaps they were just waiting for him to surface and then they would kill him. He felt rather uncomfortable at the thought of how Hinata would see him after this.

She would probably kill him too. Then again, she said something about how she wanted him to be at least a little perverted back at the bathhouse. Would this qualify as a little or a lot, and would this lead to his early death? Cringing, he slowly surfaced. He heard no sounds of weaponry being pulled, and he didn't dare open his eyes. Still, now being six inches out of the water, he could clearly see past the lip of the pool he had slid into.

Opening his eyes, he saw a stylized rose a few inches from his face. His heart stopped beating for a moment when he realized he was caught. That was the tattoo that Yuna had, and she was in the very next pool. He quickly realized that she was everything that his sensei had told him she was. Seeing her from this angle was making it hard to concentrate.

"You know if you wanted to look so badly you could have just asked." Her words caused him to freeze up. She knew he was there! She knew and wasn't doing anything about it. That meant that she either liked being looked at like this or she didn't care what he thought. As if in answer she turned in her pool slightly so that she could look at him out of the corner of her eyes. This had the added problem of him being able to see the rest of her, which made her smirk. "So why did you decide to come so close?" She whispered, keeping his presence a secret.

"I, uh, wanted to see my girlfriend." He said, not wanting to admit he had been looking for a tattoo on his girlfriend. Telling this woman things of a sensitive nature was probably not a good idea.

"You didn't come here to look at me?" She said, trying to draw his attention to her body. He knew better than that, though, and kept his eyes on her face.

"Um, no, no not really?" He said, shrugging.

The girl stopped grinning and frowned deeply. "Alright then." She said coldly. Then she sat back and seemed to gather herself. Maybe she would help him get closer or escape before anyone noticed. "PERVERT HENTAI!" Yuna yelled, drawing the attention of every ninja in the hot springs. Naruto immediately broke water as bladed weaponry slammed into the spring he had just vacated. Well that proves that Tenten brought kunai with her to the bath. Sakura was bound to follow, so he left as fast as he could. What followed when Anko caught up to him could only be described as bloody. She was worse than any medical ninja when she figured out he had such a serious healing factor. This time she put it to the test. It would take days to recover this time.

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, Hinata did not join the chase. This had the added bonus of him not being spared at all from his beating, and the added question that he still didn't know if she had a tattoo. His curiosity, however, was now tainted by the fear that Anko would repeat what she just did. That was keeping him from wanting to investigate further. The girls left him tied up in razorwire to a tree. They left no promises as to when they might come and free him.

Fortunately, Shino arrived soon after, he probably was keeping track of people through his bugs. Naruto had given up on trying to keep track of them, he always just had more. The man cut him down and made sure he was alright. "Thank you for recording our first actual scene. I am sorry that you were noticed, but such is life."

"Wait, you recorded that?" Naruto said, dreading the look on Hiashi's face. "You planned on that?"

Shino simply nodded. "Yes. I had the camera crews filming before you were there, of course. On the other hand, we now have a wonderful opening scene." Shino paused, seeing Naruto getting angry over being used in such a way. "So tell me, does she have a tattoo?" Shino left the man sputtering, not quite sure what to expect. Good. As long as Shino kept the men from attacking him he should be pretty safe. At the very least Shino was going to leave a bug clone in his tent and sleep somewhere else. Underground seemed to be a good choice. A very good choice. Shino then tried to think about who would try to attack him first.

Naruto seemed likely, considering this first scene. Then again he could almost count on the ANBU doing something, and there was always Hiashi to consider. Yes, it was only a matter of time. As he walked to where they would film the next scene, he looked at the many trees and trenches in the ground. Hopefully some of them might be a good place to hide. He would need it.

"Do you even know how these things work?" The most annoying voice in the world asked. "By kami! You are an idiot!"

Shikamaru tried again to thread his fingers into the garment covering his so-called wife, finding still no way to get the darn thing off. He had been at it for at least half an hour. "If you could actually help me I might actually figure it out one day." He said out of the side of his mouth.

Her growl could match a wolf. "I already told you she did this to me while I was unconscious!" She moved again, making his fingers come out of the offending garment on her back. "I swear I have no idea how these things work!" She huffed in annoyance. "Can't you get it off yet?" Her voice had a whine to it that made Ino seem an angel in comparison. Being married to such a vocal individual was already a bad thing, and with that individual being who they were it made things one hundred times as bad. In fact, Shikamaru would have rather married any other person, at least he felt that way right now.

Sticking his hands back into the obi, he finally found the knot that held it in place. With a grunt, as only two of his fingers could touch it, he undid the troublesome fabric and released it. A sigh of relief came from both of them, mostly from him. His job was over with. As he pulled off the wrapped silk fabric, a note fell out of it. With a groan he saw the handwriting on the note, recognizably Tsunade's.

_Hey there!_

_You two are probably starting to realize that the seals are rather "troublesome" as you like to say. Well now that you have found this note you are coming to the first of many troubles. With the ring in place I am sure that things are only going to get better, and not worse. Suki will be unable to escape due to several reasons: One, she cannot touch anything that she considers to be a weapon. That includes most kitchenware, so she will need a lot of help in the kitchen. Two, She can only wear what you tell her to. Suki will find it hard to escape if she cant use travel gear, which is why we put that in place. The third and major reason is a surprise that I wont tell you but will hint at. You'll hate it at first._

_Tell your wife that she can use the gifts in the white bag. If you need anything, I am sure that we will be talking a lot in the coming days. I am looking forward to seeing you both make this relationship work, and I plan on seeing every bump along the way!_

_Tsunade-chan_

A small decorative origami drawing of a heart with a kunai through it was written along the left side of the note. Shikamaru just shuddered. With the hokage taking such personal interest in his life, he felt rather uncomfortable. That and now he had a whole house to take care of, a large sized one as well. His so-called wife had pulled away from him, and was undoing the rest of the obi wrapped around her waist.

"What are you staring at, Useless?" She asked without any hint of kindness.

"The wall behind you." He said in all seriousness. "Tsunade left a note for when we finally got that off you. You probably should hear about this. She told me what some of the seals do." She stopped glaring and sat down, still unwrapping large segments of cloth while she sat down.

"Are you going to tell me or leave me in the dark?" She asked angrily.

"Well, you can't hold or use anything that you consider to be a weapon." She nodded, obviously expecting such. He considered what to tell her next. He still had no idea if this was just another farce to try to get them together or if it was true. He could try to find out. With that thought he considered which of the rules to test first. "Speaking of which," He said, testing the first rule. "If you could use that cloth in a fight, how would you do so?" He asked, pointing to the unwound obi.

Suki looked down at the cloth in her hands, as if contemplating, and as soon as she did so her hands started shaking, letting go of the cloth and pushing it away. The shaking continued until the cloth wrapping sat on the ground, safely away from her hands. At this point it stopped. She glared at him, almost blaming him for whatever she was angry about now. Oh well, he was just identifying the seal.

"Alright, so that one works. Ill tell you the rest after you get more comfortable." He said, testing the second seal. "There should be a white bag in the room with some things for you. Get changed and then come back." She nodded, perhaps actually believing him in the matter. Shikamaru saw that as an advatage he had over her. While he had been forced to marry her, it was still a serious mission to keep her from becoming a shinobi ever again. Contemplating this, he saw the wisdom in making such seals upon her body. He also felt that it was smart to at least make sure they work, though he did not think it was a nice thing to leave out information on how said seals worked as Tsunade was doing to him.

He went over in his mind a plan for all this, finally settling on a path that would lead to the least amount of effort and the greatest amount of results. It would most likely mean a lot of effort at the beginning, but eventually scaling down until he was barely putting any effort into controlling his so-called wife every day. Yes, that seemed like a great plan. The fifteen minutes it took to plan it out had him slightly worried, however. Suki should have finished before too long, and he was technically supposed to watch her. It would be terrible if she committed suicide or something on their 'wedding night'. Well, not so terrible for him personally but terrible for him in terms of social and honorable standing.

So rather than actually get up and check on her, he yelled through the door. "Hey, you used to be a guy, right?" The squawk of outrage was a valid answer. "Why are you taking so long?"

He heard no answer for a minute. He thought he heard shifting fabric but he wasn't sure. A string of obscenities followed, directed at Anko Mitirashi. Shikamaru might have blushed at some of the language, but thankfully she muted herself within a couple minutes. "These seals had better be able to come off!" Shikamaru thought that this might be proof that the second seal mentioned worked, but then again it could be a different seal or effect occurring entirely.

"So what is wrong?" He drawled, knowing that this would complicate things.

"This seal is what's wrong." She was being short with him.

"I think that is already established. What is the specific problem?" He countered, still needing to figure out if this seal worked as Tsunade said it would.

"I can't get the kimono back on." She replied simply.

"Why do you want that thing back on?"

"Its better than the crap in that bag Tsunade sent us!"

"So what is wrong with the kimono? Did you rip it or something?"

"One of the seals keeps going off whenever I try to put something else on. I don't even know why." She growled, obviously unhappy. Tsunade must have planned this and sent some sort of prank gift in the bag. He wouldn't put it past her to do something like that.

Shikamaru felt that this proved the note's reasoning. He only hoped that the assumed third effect was something he could get out of. "Eh, you can borrow some of my pajamas if you really want to. They should be in the closet somewhere." He said, phrasing it so that she might be able to wear something better than what Tsunade gave her. She came back later wearing the most roomy pajamas he owned, which hung on her like a tent. She sat down, growling some sort of a response to one of his unanswered questions.

"Here, Tsunade made this for me to read. Between us we can probably guess at the third seal she mentions." He tossed her the scroll. Her growl became more of a background noise compared to her yelling in regards to the scroll's contents. She took a few minutes to do so, during which he mostly ignored her.

"That woman doesn't deserve the title of hokage! This is inhuman to hold me in such a way!" She said, tossing the scroll over the back of the couch.

"To be fair most missing nin are killed when they are brought back to their villages. You at least are still alive and still able to live out your life." He said, trying to give her reason to stop shouting so loudly. "Though you are a very troublesome," He would have said woman, but he remembered that she still didn't like to be thought as such. "Individual." He finished.

"Like you are any better!" She retorted, glaring at him. In response he shrugged and didn't say anything back. He knew better than to start an argument with a female. They both sat for almost an entire hour, just trying to ignore the other. That didn't work very well. Suki was the first to break, groaning and standing up off the couch. "So what now?"

"Eh? What are you expecting some flowery honeymoon?" Her look of disgust was a strong one. "Yeah me neither. We have to feed seven people for dinner tomorrow. You got any ideas?"

"I refuse. That is something that is beneath me." She huffed.

Shikamaru was able to translate that into his own rendition. "You don't even know how to cook, do you? You have always had someone to cook for you, eh?"

She glared, answering his question. "I guess that means you have to cook, then."

Shikamaru groaned. "I can't cook. My mother has banned me from using the kitchen."

"So we have a big dinner tomorrow and have only a day to learn how to cook. What else is new?" Suki yelled. Yeah, she would fit right in with the rest of the clan.

From his bedroom, they could hear a beeping sound. He only groaned in response. They both looked at the clock, which read six am. His alarm was going off, which meant that he had spent the entire night wastefully not sleeping, and more importantly they only had ten hours until dinner. They both came to this conclusion at the same time, and looked at each other.

"Crap."

Naruto had recovered by the time the scene was supposed to be filmed. All of the female ninja seemed to be glaring daggers at him. He only cringed in response. He had honestly peeped on them. They had every right to do whatever they wished to him. Well, Hinata was the only one who truly deserved the right to beat the crap out of him. She was the one he had truly been trying to see.

Shino saved him from the glares by redirecting them to himself. "Everyone, we will now film the opening scene, which now brings up a very potent question. Can anyone here sing?" The glaring from the women passed onto him, as this talent was something that was very sensitive to the kunoichi. To be known for singing made you more of a civilian in the ninja world. No one responded. Naruto could see Shino fidget just slightly. That was as close to panic as he had ever seen the man. "Alright who has been trained in the geisha arts?" Shino asked. Now it was the women who were fidgeting.

Finally Sakura and Tenten raised their hands. Hinata looked like she was going to, but a glare from her father silenced that idea. Temari did so, glaring at Shino. Yuna did also, and grinned at Naruto as she did so. This only brought a shudder from him. Anko and her entire genin team all chirped an affirmative at once, making all of the male shinobi question the sanity of the producer for bringing such a team. Naruto realized that HInata must have been given the same training, which might be nice to find out about later.

Shino nodded. "We need to have music for the movie, and I know that among the men very few are capable music players. So I ask that you come up with a song for the movie, and while you do so the male ninja will practice a choreographed movement to be used with the song. More importantly, I need to know if any of you kunoichi have ever done this before." He stated clearly and professionally.

This announcement immediately created a groaning and moaning among the men, and excited chatter between the women. It turned out that Temari had been quite busy as a teenager and had found time to study as a wedding planner. She claimed it was just a hobby, but Naruto didn't dare question her. Kankurou certainly didn't, and he was her brother. Any other male with a brain coulod realize the stupidity of such an action. Naruto took the silent advice and decided not to remark on it. Temari then began to force everyone to prepare themselves for the scene, which Naruto did not want to be a part of. Being the male lead, who knew the great evils that would be heaped upon him.

Stepping back, he felt his chakra building up. He had been using a lot of chakra during the day, so now that he had stopped it must have had enough time to build up for his change. He gave a wave to Hinata and ran off into the trees, hoping she would understand what was happening to him. He felt the change ripple over him, shrinking and forcing him to grimace as his organs did their standard flip.

His hair exploded, the red wave pushing him forward and knocking him over. He was surprised that this hadn't happened earlier, but at least here it would be under better control. He at least could hide. Grimacing, he started to dig around in his pack for the storage scroll that held his things for his other half. Quickly getting on the clothing, which with disgust he realized was the kimono Tsunade had him in earlier, Naruto quickly and quietly became Nasuri.

Not long after that she started to pack up his things when she felt someone watching her. Turning, she saw no one behind her. Still, this was not a very comfortable felling. Nasuri eyed the surrounding forest with a critical eye, kicking the signs of her also being Naruto out of the way. She would come back for the pack later. For now her secrecy could possibly be at stake, and that was far more important.

Finally, she saw the hint of lavender on the edges of the foliage. That could only mean one thing. Before Nasuri could turn around, she had already been caught. Hinata had tackled her from behind, pulling Nasuri to the ground and messing p the kimono. It didn't take much, as the thing was indecent enough anyways, but due to the tackling Nasuri was feeling a little exposed.

"Um, Hinata, that is sort of stuff I don't want anyone to see." Nasuri said, pinned under the Hyuuga and unable to free her arms or cover herself.

"Are you sure, because you seemed to be rather fond of seeing the same thing earlier!" Hinata said angrily. She didn't move. "Do you know how you made me look, watching us like that?" She glared at him. Nasuri was more moody as a girl, and right now the power of fear was evident. "I can't have you doing those kinds of things if you want to stay with me!"

Nasuri groaned as Hinata yelled. "I know what you mean, Hinata." He replied, as she was expecting him to explain himself. Thinking back, she remembered that Hinata had been the one girl not involved with the beating he had received earlier. For some reason she hadn't hit him. "I was just curious about something Shino had asked." Before Nasuri could explain further Hinata exploded at him again.

"So you went and followed after that harlot girl?" Hinata yelled, obviously not liking Yuna already. "That woman had the audacity to claim you were interested in her!" She got off Nasuri, but was close enough to threaten to tackle her again.

"I didn't come to look at her, Hinata."

"Oh? Then why did you come, and why did you come so close to her?"

Nasuri felt very uncomfortable, but with Hinata being so important she deserved to know. "To tell you the truth, I was coming to look at you. No one else." Hinata looked horrified, face wound up in stressful agitation.

"Why? Can't you wait until we are married to ask that of me? Why did you betray my trust like this?" The mention of marriage made Nasuri's heart flutter, but this was really tearing Hinata up inside. Grabbing a thermos and not caring how his male form looked in a kimono, he charged the hot water inside with chakra. The transformation was more painful this time, being forced. But afterwards he sat there, male and able to clearly think again.

Now male again, Naruto grasped Hinata's hands. "I was trying to see if something Shino had said was true. He told me that you had a tattoo and that I should find out what it was. I was trying to get a better vantage point when I slipped and fell. Unfortunately I fell right by where Yuna was, and she tried to convince me to look at her instead. When I told her that I was only there to look at you, she got mad and told the rest of you that I was there." His male mind was able to think much more clearly than his female one. After explaining this to Hinata, she seemed still sad but contemplative. "I'm sorry, Hinata. I promise that ill never peep on you again, unless you specifically tell me that I can." He gave a small smile. "Ill wait for you to tell me that something like that is ok. If that is until we get married, then so be it."

Hinata gave him a long look, and one of those unknown but utterly female emotions came onto her face. It made him want to hug her, she was so beautiful, even when she cried like this. She remained silent for another few moments, and then spoke with her stuttering voice. "Y-you betrayed M-my trust, N-naruto-k-kun. And I don't like you doing t-this. I have to t-think about this."

She sat down at the far end of the clearing, not facing him. He just sat and waited like a man already proclaimed guilty. Far away, nearly a half-mile through the bush, a certain individual was waving a victory fan like mad, and would have been shouting and screaming for joy and something about an early retirement, except for the fact that some people might be able to hear said individual. After roughly five minutes of fan waving dedicated to Naruto's confession, the individual then prodeeded to do more fan waving to celebrate Naruto's ability to apologize while in a compromising position.

Meanwhile, for the said man in a compromising position, he found out rather quickly that girls kimonos are not meant for a man to confess his love in. Made to fit his other half, it did not fit him at all. Still, he did not move and waited for the person who he hoped would continue to be his girlfriend to tell him what was going to happen. It took another thirty minutes, but finally she collected herself and turned around. She was calm, now. She wasn't smiling but she was calm.

"Naruto Uzumaki." She used his last name. That was never a good sign, Not even a suffix, he was in deep trouble. "If I ever see you or sense you doing something of that nature ever again, I will have my father kill you." Her eyes showed complete seriousness. Naruto did gulp in fear. Her father seemed to take joy in trying to ruin his life, but with a free license to kill him he would be dead within the week. "To do something of a perverted nature is not acceptable, and makes your honor worthless. It stains my honor, to be your girlfriend, to be connected in such a way to a pervert." She had been walking up to him slowly, and now was within five feet of him. "You will never do this again, do you understand?"

Naruto nodded, and took her outstretched hand. She nodded and gave him a real smile. "Now go and give Shino as many reasons as you can to decide that I do not in fact have a tattoo, nor should he ever ask such a question again." She gave a smirk. "Shino will not fight a woman if he can help it, Naruto. I also seem to remember that Nasuri has not yet agreed to those waivers that stop us from attacking him." She winked.

"Um, Hinata, does that mean you are still my girlfriend?"

"Are you still a pervert?" She responded quickly.

"No!" He responded, not wanting to have to repeat this experience over again.

"Then I will be at your tent tonight, as already planned. Now go make Shino realize his mistake." Hinata said with a twinkle in her eye. That made him stop for a second. How was he supposed to not be a pervert if a girl was sleeping in his tent? She was his girlfriend, no less? His head hurt trying to understand female logic on that one. Perhaps it would be better and more understood if he switched back. Unfortunately he was still confused as he changed himself back.

It took little effort to use the now cold water in the thermos to change back into Nasuri, who now certifiably looked like she had travelled all day to get to the shoot. He could at least skip that part of the preparation process. So, hair messy, kimono dirty, and with ANBU mask on, Nasuri walked into the camp of the movie and walked right up to Shino, who seemed to be distracted and writing up plans for yet another scene of the movie.

"Aburame-san?" Nasuri asked in her best innocent voice. She was wearing her ANBU mask, which at least kept him from knowing her emotions. He turned, and not expecting it, caught the chakra infused kick to the jollies directly. Shino lifted off the ground from the strike. Nasuri's shin ached from the hit, but knowing the Shino was probably trying to numb the pain and walk past this, she had to follow it up. Of course, he didn't quite have time to kawamiri with anything before Nasuri caught him in one of her favorite moves of the taijutsu style of her great-grandfather. It was called the Chestnut fist. Moving her arms as fast as they could go, chakra actually glowing off of her as she struck, Shino Aburame took well over five hundred punches to the ribs. Before he landed on the ground she then kicked him in the groin again, and rabbit punched him in the eyes.

What was once Shino Aburame fell to the ground as the first victim of the icha icha movie. It was ironic that he was the first to be injured in the filming, especially after all of the painstaking plans he had made to avoid such things. Nasuri nodded triumphantly, and then looked up. Kakashi and Kankurou were both filing with one hand and protecting their groin with the other, while Maito Gai seemed to be as far away as possible from Nasuri. The rest of the filming crew had all stopped to watch the beat down, and most of the women clapped after Shino slumped to the ground. The medical team seemed happy to have something to do, and knowing Sakura she might just break more of Shino 'by accident' as she tried to fix him. Nasuri had already experienced many such times in his male form, as Sakura would break a couple ribs as she was fixing you ankle just to show you how she felt about you.

Shino was carried to the medical tent, and still the camp was silent. The first to speak up was Hiashi. "Filming crew, how well did you catch that?"

Kankurou looked around at all of his puppets that had been deployed and focused on the one sided fight. Kakashi had a couple nin-dogs with cameras tied to their heads coming out of the bushes. "Twelve at least, sensei. We had that covered from every angle except below. I have a burrowing puppet in the works, but at this point-"

Temari's voice carried over the camp from where she had been organizing the singing group;. "If you use that to look up some girl's skirt ill just break it again!"

Kankurou looked very uncomfortable with every female in the camp glaring at him. "Ah, yes, I actually will not have such a puppet available at this time. If ever, actually." Temari shouted "LIAR!" from the back.

Hiashi just adjusted his script in hand. "I see. We shall use this scene as well. Now, as the director is not able to continue filming tonight, we shall make camp here and carry on in the morning." He turned to Nasuri. "Ah, I hope that council business didn't deter you too long, Senju-sama." The sama was said in a coarse way, but people would just associate that with the Hyuuga pride. No, he said that to remind her of what he thought of Tsunade's master idea to have her as a Senju.

Of course this attracted the attention of the rest of the camp. Not very many people warranted such an honorific from the Hyuuga clan head. The foreign ninja took a lot of interest, as they had only heard rumors of the Senju that took down Sasuke Uchiha. Of course, being able to hide behind the mask was nice. Nasuri just waved in a girlish way and giggled. The men in the camp shuddered, as it was the same tone that they had heard right before Shino got attacked. Only the Goroki brothers from Kumo seemed immune to this, though they seemed to react to Nasuri differently. One just looked at her mask, and the other never made it that high. Stupid kimono. It ruined the intimidating effect.

Some of the women felt threatened by her presence, it was clear. Yuna seemed to be trying to make her shirt show more of her, but didn't seem to be getting any more attention by doing so. It was obvious with the others as they started comparing themselves to Nasuri, which would only lead to trouble. Only Hinata, near the back, seemed to not react.

"Senju-sama here will play our female lead. As soon as Shino recovers we will begin filming again. Hopefully our medical team will not have to repeat this process, but knowing Senju-sama here, it is more than likely that one or more of the male members of this crew will suffer the same fate." Nasuri twisted her head towards Hiashi rather quickly, causing most of the male ninja to flinch. Gai was still hiding somewhere, afraid for his manhood. All that crap about youthfulness must not be enough to protect such a thing. Nasuri just hoped that this would keep some of the guys off of her since she was already with Hinata.

Nasuri turned back to the crew. "It's nice to meet you! I don't like perverts so if I catch you, you're dead." Kakashi trembled and placed his icha icha novel as deeply into his pocket as he could. Gai whimpered from the tree he had retreated to, and Kankurou did a kawamiri with his puppet. Neji Hyuuga seemed unconcerned, but his eyes were shifting between the medical tent that held Tenten and towards Nasuri rapidly. Kiba and Akamaru were both try to hide behind each other, both afraid of being neutered. The foreigners seemed to simply check to make sure all of their appendages were still attached. Finding themselves in a condition to retreat, most of the crew scattered. Hiashi stayed, motioning behind him to three tents that had already been set up.

"You and Hinata should go inside my tent through the tunnel I dug. I will be in your tent and deal with any unwelcome visitors tonight."

Nasuri frowned. "What do you mean?"

Hiashi frowned back. "That Yuna woman may attempt something, and I very much doubt the ANBU will stay calm forever. More importantly," Hiashi said, pointing at the Goroki brothers, "One of them is gay." Hiashi composed himself. "All of them I fear will act towards Naruto in some way. So to protect my wonderful pure, daughter, I will do this act." Nasuri was amazed. Hiashi was actually not intimidating her or trying to kill her. Then again, he did say that he was doing this to preserve his daughter's honor. With what happened earlier the older man might feel threatened.

"Wait, the ANBU?"

Hiashi had been about to walk away when he turned back around. "Oh, you don't know?" Hiashi let the boy stew for a moment longer. "There is a running bet among the village over which one of them will catch you first. And you know how ANBU can be…" He left it hanging, letting the boy-turned-girl's fear rise. "It might be in your best interest to dissuade anything directed towards you." Hiashi had no idea what the ANBU wanted in a man. He only knew that if he put the very fear of god into the boy that he would never leave his daughter. Yes, this would be beneficial. It protected his interests and his daughter's, while preserving Naruto for her. Still, he had to prepare for the visitors that would certainly come that night. Hiashi let himself grin in anticipation. Hopefully this would be fun.

Later on that night, Sakura and Tenten finally finished the surgery to fix most of Shino's wounds. Most of his ribcage had been a bruised mess. His black eyes were so swollen that she had to use some of her higher caliber healing jutsus to fix them. Out of spite she only made sure that his groin would survive and did nothing for the pain. Unfortunately he was still passed out. Cleaning up the operating room, she and Tenten gave a smile at the job well done.

Right as they placed Shino on a bed they both started to get ready to sleep themselves. That was until something got dragged into the front of the medical tent and dumped there. Looking up in confusion, they were able to see two unmoving bodies and the edge of a robed figure nobly walking back to their tent. Coming to the downed individuals, they found Yuna and one of the Goroki brothers, both apparently unable to move. All of their tenketsu points appeared to have been pressed, and both of them looked like they were in severe pain.

"Holy crap what happened to you?" Tenten asked. It was obvious that a Hyuuga had done the damage, and the brutality of it suggested either Hinata or Neji. Hiashi was just too calm and collected to have done such damage.

"The eyes, by kami those eyes!" Yuna groaned. She must have seen the glow in the dark Byukagan. It was a sight to be afraid of.

"Just get it out! The Goroki moaned, deeply in pain. Coming to him, Sakura turned him over.

"Holy crap! Is that a victory fan?" She shrieked, wondering who could have done such damage with an ornate fan.

"Is that where I think it is?" Tenten replied in disgust.

"That is in there pretty good. Get them both to the operating table, this is going to take a while." Sakura said, preparing to use her chakra induced strength on a very unfortunate man's backside.


	4. Bunshin can't do this!

Again, we have our trusted liability protecting system, or rather a disclaimer. I wish I owned this, but I don't. Ranma 1/2 and Naruto are the products of someone other than me, and you can be sure that if I did own them they would not be as good. Therefore, let us celebrate the fact that I do not own them.

Hinata and Naruto woke up feeling well rested the next day. Sakura and Tenten were just barely figuring out the fact that a well placed victory fan is very difficult to remove. So, Yuna and one of the Goroki brothers had to sit out the day's shooting. They were under heavy painkillers and were waiting for the medical ninja to have enough chakra to repair damaged orifices. The director was in his standard chair, and had the mother of all ice packs in his lap. No one asked about it, especially when Nasuri was mentioned. The woman was feared, and came and went as she pleased. Or at least that was what Hiashi was claiming. As an ANBU and a Council member she had the right to perform whatever business needed to be done on her own schedule.

The scene today was of actual opener, minus the music. After what Nasuri had done last night the kunoichi had refused to provide the music. Shino had only groaned in response, considering hiring some geisha just to make them jealous enough to do better. But that would require effort and movements that caused groin pain, so the honorable director of icha icha passed on this idea until he was medically recovered. For some reason the rest of his body was completely fine, but the groin appeared to have had no medical care. Of course, with the medical team being sadistic kunoichi medic-ninja, there was no way he would complain. He would accept his free health care even though it appeared to be of no real benefit when it really mattered.

Having the crew all in position, he signaled for the scene to begin. Coming from one side of the clearing, a team of ninja approached the camera. The team was the standard four ninja, lead by a hooded figure. Naruto, Shino reasoned, shouldn't be so clearly seen in the first scene. So, with as little motion that could move his lower body as possible, he motioned for the scene to begin.

Naruto, hooded, exited the tree line first. Following him were Sakura, Kiba, and Tenten. They were to be his ninja team, and they had the Konoha headband. Hiashi had a sign in front of them, which he moved back as they moved forward. The scene was supposed to continue along as Hiashi directed them in directions through the use of the sign. It also would hold the lines for the ninja, as Shino had no intention of showing anyone outside of Hiashi the actual script. So, following this method, the ninja proceeded through the scene.

"Sensei, Why aren't we taking the road to the city? Wouldn't it be much faster?" Kiba said, being the only other male in the ninja team. This meant that he would receive the obligatory lines to progress the plotline.

Hiashi flipped the sign again, displaying Naruto's lengthy lines. "Because that is what our enemies would expect us to do. If they stop us they could start a war between us and the Daimyo. They will do anything to stop us from creating an alliance with him, since we would have a strong connection to their own country and its government." Naruto moved his arms p behind his head as the sign directed. "Basically we can avoid war later by going behind them and making this alliance now."

The sign flipped. "I see. So we just have to make sure that you get there alive and we can stop war from happening." Tenten said.

Sakura followed her up. "Good thing we aren't taking the road, they might find us."

Hiashi was starting to flip to the final portion of the sign. Shino grinned behind the massive collar of his shirt. For the next scene he wanted to have scared looks on all of the ninja's faces. He needed surprise, he needed them to be unexpectedly scared. Little could do that to a ninja. So the sign would do it for him.

Hiashi flipped the sign, making it list the last command for the scene. It simply said, 'Strip in clear view of the cameras'. The command was received with a gasp of surprise and a little bit of fear on Tenten's face. Sakura trembled a little bit, fear evident. Kiba grinned for a moment, but then realized that it applied to him as well. What you could see of Naruto's face was fearful. Before Shino could be implicated, or Hiashi be targeted by ninjutsu, Shino gave a clap. "Cut! Well done!"

The team on set gave him a glare, yet were at least somewhat thankful that the command had been an incomplete one. The rest of the cast was either sad that the command had not been carried out or wary of such commands coming in the future. That at least was a point for him, the fact that they couldn't expect Shino to remain docile for long. They also would expect the unexpected, and Shino would definitely not disappoint them there.

"Now, we will repeat the conversation portions of the scene until it is perfect. The last section is well done, but the conversation needs to have a more vibrant feel to it, more emotion. We will head for the border of Iwa as soon as this scene is accomplished perfectly. There we will have our next shooting." Shino looked over at Hinata and the other kunoichi hanging around the set. "I will pass the responsibility of alerting Senju-san of our intentions to you." He also had to find a way to get her to sign his waiver that might protect him, but she was never around long enough for him to get it done. Next time, he mused, next time he would insure the protection of his manhood before she could inflict further harm. Being the main female lead, he had much to ask of her. He desperately needed that waiver.

Shikamaru came back from the market with everything he supposed that he would need for dinner. He had bought a duck, a premade salad, and some easy preperation miso soup. He figured that Suki could probably handle that much. So, when he came back into the house he immediately went to the kitchen. Dumping the food, he then noticed that his wife seemed to be missing. Torn between whooping for joy and exclamations of fear, he contemplated what he needed to do next.

Fortunately, he heard something that made things easier. From the main room, on one of the couches, he could hear a slight snoring sound. Stepping into the room, he got a good look at Suki while she was sleeping. She seemed to have passed out waiting for him, or possibly waiting for a chance to escape. Shikamaru considered it a very nice respite from her mouth. He was going to leave her there, but then realizing that it would mean he would have to cook.

So, he decided that he would probably have to wake Suki. The best way to do that would be someway that avoided harm as much as possible. So, he grabbed a bucket of water from the closet and filled it up. Once it was about a quarter full, he came to within five feet of Suki and threw the contents of the bucket at her face. With a small grin to himself he saw her squawk and sputter threats and profanity as she awakened.

Ignoring the commentary that detailed his ancestry mixing with useless herbivores, he put the bucket back in the closet. "You can argue about the family you married into later. Right now I need you to cook this food. You can cook a duck, right?"

She glared. "You useless son of a-"

He ignored the rest and pushed her into the kitchen. "Yeah, you've said that before. Now tell me what you know how to do, so I can get everything else ready."

Suki blew a wet hair out of her eyes, still glaring. "Start the stove then, useless!" She pointed at the stove in the kitchen, something the Shikamaru had always been told to avoid. With his rudimentary cooking skills, and his luck in the kitchen, his mother had always kept him away from the stove. Turning the knob to start the stove, he felt the gas turn on. Unfortunately, the stove did not light. He waited patiently for another minute or two while Suki moved around looking for the tools she needed.

"I think it needs to be manually lit." He said.

Suki laughed. "If I could use a Katon jutsu that would be easy. How many do you know?" She seemed to be trying to lord her previous wealth of knowledge over him.

Shikamaru considered. "Eh, I never bothered to learn one."

"What? You are a ninja of the land of fire, and you don't even know a single fire technique?" Suki yelled in indignation. All of this occurred as more and more gas escaped from the stove.

"Eh, it doesn't matter. The land of fire has the hidden leaf village, and I don't even bother to learn any Doton jutsu either." Shikamaru dug around in his pockets for a lighter. Finding it, he held it up. "Here we are, we don't need a jutsu. We just need a source of heat. See?" With that, he lit the stove. Now, having spent five minutes releasing gas on high, the amount of gas around the stove was palpably hanging in the air.

The fireball released burnt right through the walls of the kitchen and up the side of the house. Thankfully, this was a Nara clan house. To spare themselves from buying house insurance, they just built their homes to last. The resulting explosion didn't go further than the kitchen, but it carried the force of a serious Katon jutsu. This launched the unexpecting Shikamaru, along with Suki, right into the nearby wall. Fortunately for him, or rather unfortunately, Shikamaru was hit harder by the blast and was propelled into the wall first. Suki slammed into him, knocking the wind out of him, and causing them both to slide to the ground.

Groaning, he heard signs of further trouble. The front door banged open in a very familiar way, and he tried to move but only succeeded in getting more tangled up the woman that he was supposedly married to. He kept trying to remove himself, as she may have been trying to do, but at the last moment his hand slipped under the bottom of Suki's shirt.

"My, my, aren't you being familiar with each other!" Shikamaru heard his mother say from the kitchen door. Of course, she was mirthful about all of this right up until she saw the rest of the flaming kitchen. Then her voice took on that tone reserved for his father whenever he did something like spend his wages on a sake binge drinking night. "What did you do to my KITCHEN?"

Shikamaru had separated from Suki by this time, both of them feeling embarrassed over the entire moment. Ignoring the burn marks and smoldered clothing, they looked at each other for some way to survive this. His mother picked up one of the frying pans and brought it to bear on them, one edge of it still on fire from the explosion. She had a fire in her eyes, and her hands were shaking with the desire to batter him into a corpse with a blunt weapon.

Thankfully, his father chose at that moment to enter the kitchen. He could not have picked a better moment to cover Shikamaru's retreat. Both he and Suki ran past Shikaku, who received the flaming frying pan to the face. "Quick, this way!" He said quietly, running for the stairs. Suki followed, whether out of fear or survival he wasn't sure. He ran through his old room and arrived at the window, opening it and stepping through. Channeling some of his chakra into his feet, he stuck to the side of the roof and started to make his way towards the burned side of the house. Behind him, he could hear muttered profanity as Suki tried to follow. Without the ability to use chakra, she was not able to grasp onto the roof. Muttering his favorite word, he grabbed hold of Suki and pulled her with him as he moved back towards the kitchen.

"Isn't your mother in there?" Suki said, tactically looking at the situation. He nodded to her, grabbing her and jumping to the ground. "Hey! I'm not some girl you can throw around!" He wasn't going to let her fall to the ground, since then it would be even more troublesome to have to make a hospital trip the first day of marriage.

Shikamaru dropped her unceremoniously as she responded. "Fine. I just didn't want you to break an ankle or something before you could cook me dinner." He jumped through the window into the kitchen, which was still on fire, and did a quick check. His mother was nowhere to be found, and the new hole in the wall denoted the new exit into the front yard his father must have created to escape. As he did this, Suki came in through the new doorway, glaring at him. Shikamaru had a thought, that if she looked like this all the time she would be exactly like any other female member of the Nara clan. Well at least that part of his mission was easy. He could hide her rather easily.

"You destroyed the kitchen, how are we supposed to cook anything now?" Suki said without much anger. She was probably happy that she might be able to avoid cooking now. Of course, Shikamaru now had less than two hours for dinner, and his parents were on the loose. More importantly, he had to keep the secret of his wife's true identity from his friends who were coming tonight. Putting his hand on his chin, he began thinking. He had to keep his parents from causing further problems, while still creating a dinner that his friends would actually believe was real enough to hide Suki. This took less than ten seconds.

"I think I have an idea. Now you are going to have to work with me if this is going to work at all. The first thing we need to do is…"

"Cut!" Shino said loudly enough to get everyone's attention. This was the fifth bloody time he had done this on Nasuri, and she was not enjoying it. Being tied to the underside of a stick didn't help her calm any. He had told her it was to simulate her being captured, but more likely it was to keep his precious bodily health from crumbling further. Over the last day or two of travel he had attempted to get her to sign a waiver, which did not permit his bodily harm. She had responded with brutal beatings that left him incapable of trying again for at least a little while. "Nasuri, you need to look more victimized! You look as if you are about to kill someone, instead of being kidnapped!"

"That is because most people who try this kind of thing die!" She yelled back forcefully, earning nods from the women and whimpering from Gai. Nasuri, being a jinchuuriki, always avoided capture if she could. Capture meant death, along with the end of the world. Or at least that was what she assumed would happen if Akatsuki ever got their hands on her.

Shino stayed far away, at the other side of the set, where he could not be hurt again. He didn't reply to her comment, only starting another pointless stare down with the Senju heir. Most of the crew, knowing the signs from earlier, went for dinner rather than watch another stupid showdown between the two people. This degenerated into glaring and growling, neither of them approaching each other. Of course, that didn't prohibit further yelling once a certain amount of time had passed. Of course, it would be unsightly for an Aburame or a Senju to growl at each other, so officially it never came to that. TO Kiba and Akamaru it sounded like a pack of Inuzuka dogs had gotten loose at the filming set.

Finally, almost two hours later, Shino Aburame admitted himself to the medical tent for a hyperextended back. He was muttering something about a stick and a female dog, but thankfully the medical staff decided it was delirium rather than actually directed at someone. Hiashi came to meet with him soon after he had been fixed up, both men taking the script and beginning a daily discussion over what needed to happen next. "So, did we accomplish anything today?" Hiashi asked, knowing full well that Shino had been injured for every scene that had gone wrong today. Counting this one, it made five different injuries. Why the man continued to provoke Nasuri Senju was beyond him. Of course, only Hiashi knew her secret here, and found it rather funny that Naruto didn't enjoy playing the damsel in distress.

"Nasuri is not a very good victim. She is not really a very good anything, actually." Shino must simply be feeling vindictive. Or at least this was the most vindictive Hiashi had ever seen an Aburame. "It is almost as if she skipped the kunoichi training upon how to act when kidnapped or otherwise taken hostage. Perhaps being raised by Tsunade might have that effect." Hiashi could sit here all day and listen to his musing, but he had a responsibility to get this movie done so that he could be one step closer to saving himself from a mid-life crisis.

"Theoretically, what is your goal with the end of this scene? If she could be kidnapped effectively, where would you go with this?" Hiashi asked, hoping to throw off the Aburame's raging talking tantrum.

"Of course, then we could avoid this whole situation. My intention is to get her actually captured by the local border patrol. That stubborn woman just wont get herself in the frame of mind that would allow the border parol to survive long enough for us to get a good scene out of it!" Shino kept ranting and raving, without expletives but a very emotionally fueled rage for an Aburame.

"What if I knocked her out and carried her to the border myself? Would that work?" Hiashi asked, just wanting Shino calm enough to hold this together.

Shino stopped. He paced a little bit, hobbled some due to bruises from earlier acting up, and finally settled back into his chair when the pain got too much. "Yes, yes that might just work. You just have to be able to convince the border patrol to take her. But then again she is a Senju, how will you possibly render her unconscious?"

Hiashi took his turn to grin, having disarmed the raging Aburame. "I know her one weakness. Just make sure that the camera crews are right by the river where the other border patrol is camped at. I will be delivering her within the hour. Are you prepared to send in a recovery team?"

Shino, now completely calm, nodded. "It will be ready for a midnight assault. We will send in Naruto and his team to save Nasuri." Hiashi felt uncomfortable now. Naruto in his female form was supposed to be captured so that Naruto in his male form could come and save the damsel in distress. That was going to be a serious complication.

"Knowing the boy, I will disengage him from doing anything further to my daughter this night. You prepare the rest of the team, and I will handle the troublesome thing dating my daughter." Hiashi flexed to be more convincing, trying to decide if he could continue to act as the intimidating father in this situation. The problem was that in order to keep Naruto's bloodline a secret, he might have to break his intimidating cover. But then he would not be able to have as much fun in his life any more. This made the decision a very tough call. Perhaps he would be able to form a plan. Yes, if he could find a way to not break his trend of intimidating his biggest hope in life, along with saving him from having his secret exposed, then he would be safe. The problem was that even to a genius ninja like him he could not see an easy way to go about this without involving someone outside the circle of people who knew about the bloodline, or have Hinata pose as Nasuri. That Hiashi couldn't tolerate. No, he could not come up with a plan to find an easy way out of this.

Perhaps, he mused, Naruto himself might be able to help. The boy was a genius in his own right(though Hiashi would never mention that to his face) he was a genius of creativity, rather than of cold logic like Neji was. Naruto was unpredictable, dangerous, and someone that Hiashi could be prideful about perhaps when he stopped intimidating him. Though that would be less fun. Oh this would be a difficult decision eventually, but for now he would just enjoy the time he had to be the intimidating father.

So, he was left with the need to get Naruto kidnapped in time for Naruto to come and save himself. Wonderful. Still, the first thing that needed to be done was making Naruto aware of the situation. That required that Hiashi exploit Naruto's greatest weakness in order to kidnap the unfortunate man. So, he distastefully got out a package of instant ramen, and brewed it to sheer perfection. With the way Naruto talked about the stuff, if you were actually listening to the boy(which Hiashi would never admit to doing publicly) you could in fact brew the perfect ramen. So he did, and then added a potent knock-out drug to it. That should do it. Then again, people had poisoned the kid before, and Naruto hadn't even felt it. So for good measure he added another four doses to the mix. Nodding to himself, he felt that there were now enough fail safes in place.

Returning to his tent, he found Naruto and Hinata sitting down and talking to each other. Hiashi set the bowl of ramen down, upwind of Naruto, and stood in an intimidating pose above them. "Uzumaki, you might want to shift back to your other form. Shino has ordered a small task to be performed by Nasuri, and then another to be performed by you." He spoke in distaste. Inside he was gleeful. The boy still feared him, and he would take advantage of that irrational fear as much as he could. So, he waited as Naruto quickly shifted. Then the boy grumbled and went to change his clothes. During that time Hiashi noticed that his daughter was seething at him, probably because he interrupted their time together. Fortunately she usually did not explode at him, allowing him to be the iconic clan leader while secretly being the chief supporter of his daughter and his future son in law, and may the gods have mercy on anyone who tried to ruin that for him.

Nasuri came back into the room, looking annoyed. "Alright, what is the task?"

Hiashi had placed the ramen in the middle of the floor, so that Nasuri would begin to eat and give him just enough time to explain. "Senju-san, we are right next to the border with Iwa. Tonight you are going to be captured by their border patrol, and then you need to awaken yourself, free yourself, and then change back and save yourself, as Naruto Uzumaki will lead the retrieval team. So please remember that when you wake up. Perhaps you will be an effective ninja if you can pull that off."

Nasuri was originally getting angry, but then got confused. "How am I supposed to save myself? What kind of mission is that?" Knowing the man turned woman's habits, the ramen had long since been absorbed. Hiashi had started counting down as soon as she had downed the disgustingly fattening soupy substance, and timed his next comment perfectly.

"I am sure that you will figure it out when you awaken. Now I must deliver you to the border." Hiashi said calmly.

"Wha? How does that-?" The thump of her body hitting the bottom of the canvas tent was perfectly timed in Hiashi's mind. Hinata rushed over to Nasuri, looking confused.

"Father, why did you do that?" She asked.

Hiashi was left with a hard decision. He had to deliver Nasuri with enough time for Naruto to escape and come back and rescue himself. Hiashi certainly had no idea how the boy was going to pull this off, but he could not afford to lose any time. Looking at his daughter, he knew that he couldn't afford to spend time conversing with her. So, he said something to disable her for a bit.

"This is the easiest way to accomplish our goals, and the path that leads to the least amount of complaints. Also, my daughter, I want you to know that I approve." He watched as her eyes fluttered with the realization of what his statement meant. With that, and the thump of Hinata fainting, he left the tent with Nasuri in tow. Running towards the border, he quickly tied the girl's hands and feet. Once at the border, he could see the fire from the Iwa ninja's camp, or possibly a decoy camp, and then he threw an explosive note at the fire. Dumping Nasuri on the ground, he left as he heard the telltale sounds of enemy ninja approaching. With a grin and a salute to Nasuri, he left the body on the ground and ran. Oh, if that boy could pull this off, well, the council would have a hard time rejecting him for what Hiashi was planning on. Naruto Uzumaki would be a much more respectable name in Konoha by the time he was done.

His only regret about the entire situation was that he did not have a victory fan to celebrate all this. Sadly, it had been wasted on that foolish gay Goroki brother that tried to sneak into his tent. Hopefully the boy would have some seconds thoughts about his horrendous practice after receiving a victory fan to his rear.

Shikamaru opened the door a couple hours later to admit his guests. First to come in were his parents, who looked as if they had been in combat for a while. While technically Hinata it was his fault, his father was very good at surviving his mother's rampages. His mother glared at him, at which he yawned in return. She had already had one rampaging tantrum today, and it was unlikely that this response would create another. With a nod his parents went past him.

Behind them was the hokage herself, Tsunade. She was grinning. "I heard from the ANBU in the area that you are going to serve us quite a meal. I am looking forward to it." Great. Wonderful. Tsunade knew about the kitchen incident earlier. That meant that she was very aware of how well or rather not well his relationship was going. With a groan he allowed her into his home. He used as little effort as possible doing so, to act normal and conceal his anxiety.

Last but not least and the people he could predict their actions the least, came his teammates. Ino was positively glowing with approval for him, which only made the situation worse. She expected him to be in the kind of happy fairy tale marriage. Well, everyone would be let down about it anyways, so why not start now. Chouji on the other hand was looking rather calm. He also didn't have any food with him. That was a worse sign than Ino being all female and bubbly. He expected Shikamaru to feed him fully. Great. Just great. Still more of his night that could be ruined.

Closing the door behind them, he lead the party to the table, which had been moved out of what had once been the kitchen and into the family room. All of them got seated at the table, except for Suki. She was still in the kitchen. After only a minute or two everyone began looking at him expectantly. Well, it was about time to get things started.

"Hey, you about finished up in there?" He yelled without looking at the kitchen door. In reality it was probably the only undamaged part of the kitchen left.

"If you would actually get up off that tub of fat you call a butt we might actually be able to finish dinner!" Some of the people at the table looked at Shikamaru in a confused way. Ino was the only one to comment on it.

"For her to be that pissed you must have sucked in the sack last night." Shikamaru's head made a very audible thunk in response as he battered the table in response to her comment. How was he supposed to respond to that? Well, there really was only one response to it. He could tell the truth.

"Eh, the only person who could have done worse would have been Sai. Now ill go help her pull the meat off the spit." With that he hid his rising embarrassment by running to the kitchen. He was followed by the sounds of Tsunade and his mother cackling. This only made him step faster, going through the door and shutting it before his mother could see the further damage to the kitchen. She really would kill him if that happened.

"A spit? What is wrong with you people, did the kitchen sprout wings and fly away? This I must see." Tsunade said sarcastically after she finished laughing at his expense. The sound of her following and forcing the door opening he tried to push out of his mind. Or at least as much as one could when they are pushed by a Tsunade enhanced door. As the door opened he could hear his father using his shadow jutsu to keep his mother in her chair and not killing him over her destroyed kitchen.

The kitchen fire had never actually gone out. He and Suki, having no idea how to cook except by campfire, were proceeding to keep the fire going and cook using it. There was an overabundance of firewood in the broken kitchen, and so Shikamaru figured it would be fine if it would be repurposed to cooking dinner. Most of the wood was half burned anyways. Now most of the wood in here was completely burned, so nothing was completely wasted.

Suki was at the left side of what had been the stove, using a bent pot to cook the rice. Next to that was the giant wok bowl being used to cook the vegetables. It wasn't exactly the best solution, but it seemed to work. Finally, there was the spit itself. A duck was turning on the spit, which was on the larger right side of what had been the stove. The gas might still be running for all he knew, he just added another broken expensive cabinet to the fire. The duck appeared to be well cooked, though a few parts were pretty charred.

"You get it off the spit, I can't touch it." Suki said, sending a glare he was becoming accustomed to feeling and then turning back to the rice.

"What, too hot for you?" He responded casually, taking a look at her. She had dressed in a very nice dress, which was mostly bright colors and frills. It was extremely feminine, exactly the sort of thing Suki would never willingly wear. Good thing she had that seal upon her. More importantly, it had the Nara clan symbol, which was the main thing about the dress that had set her off. Tsunade had sent this in the white bag yesterday, and Suki hated it. Unfortunately it was the only thing she had that would be suitable for a nice dinner. Or at least that was what Shikamaru claimed. He just wanted her pissed at someone else today. Good thing Tsunade had walked in behind him. Suki's glare moved to the blond hokage.

"No, I want to stab you with it!" Suki snarled, not taking her glare off Tsunade.

"Oh." Shikamaru responded, getting used to the death threats. "Alright then. Finish up the rice and green crap and bring it out. Ill get the duck."

Tsunade spoke up. "You both seem to be adjusting well."

Suki grumbled some form of answer. He did not really pay attention to it, as he just grabbed a kunai and started carving the duck into pieces. Some were a little blackened, but with Chouji in the house it wouldn't matter. Everything would be gone. He just added a bit more salt to those pieces. For Ino he just made sure that hers were perfectly shaped and had no fat on them at all. She would give him such a nagging if he didn't prepare her food right. If she found a single portion of fat in her food, he would probably get hit from the Shinraishin no jutsu, and forced to do something very stupid.

Tsunade started laughing at them. "So it seems like Ino was half right with that comment back there. I'll tell you everything about those seals after dinner. Oh, and Shikamaru, if I find any fat on my meat ill hit you." With that she waved to them and walked back into the main room. This made him take the time to find and eliminate any fat on Tsunade's plate as well. Grumbling, he was at least glad that he could count on Suki not being able to attack him. At least not directly.

After about ten more minutes the food was finally done, and the newlywed couple carried out the food. Chouji was almost ready to jump across the table at the food, and Ino seemed overly critical of hers. Tsunade emulated Ino, and his parents just started eating as soon as the plates hit the table. In the Nara house, it was more than likely that dinner would be interrupted, so the usual tactic was to eat all of your food as son as possible, before the table got overturned or the kunai started flying. Of course, this dinner was a lot worse. Rather than kunai he had Ino in the room. Previous experience recommended that he avoid anything that could spark her curiosity or interest.

The peace didn't last long. "So, Suki, I didn't see any of your family at the wedding. Aren't they happy for you?" Ino's question required an answer from Suki. Now Shikamaru was worried. Typical of someone in the interrogation department, Ino was blunt and wanted information. Suki couldn't talk about the Uchiha clan or anything like that. At least that is what the seal on her tongue was supposed to do.

"My family is all dead." Suki calmly said, and began sipping some tea. Shikamaru was twitching underneath the table, hands rubbing each other in the hopes that Ino would lay off. Of course, his hopes died rather quickly. Chouji got involved.

"What happened?" Chouji asked, his mouth full of food but strangely none of it escaped as he talked. It must be some sort of Akamichi clan secret food taijutsu or something.

Suki groaned and gave him a look that wasn't a glare. In fact, it was one of those looks that Shikamaru would classify as unidentifiable female emotion #3. He could only exhibit his normal response, a grunt and a shrug. She turned back to Ino, holding the entire table's attention. "They were killed. My parents were murdered and the rest of my family as well." Shikamaru got a bad feeling in his gut. Suki couldn't talk about the Uchiha but she could certainly talk about how they all died. She just couldn't name names. He crossed his fingers, hoping that this would all end peacefully. Suki realized this too, and he could see the corner of her mouth twitch in a grin. It was only there for a second.

He braced himself for what she said next. He already knew it wouldn't be pretty. "My parents were killed right in front of me. My brother I was forced to watch as he died. The rest of my extended family at least I was spared from seeing." Suki had her left eyebrow turned slightly upwards, he could guess in some arrogant look. She knew exactly what she was doing. No one counted on Ino's reaction, however. Her eyes were brimming with tears already for Suki's sake, and this only complicated the situation.

The blond vaulted the table and hugged Suki. "I'm so sorry that happened to you! What kind of monster would do such a thing!" Thankfully that blasted seal on her tongue kicked in and Suki was silenced, though Shikamaru could tell that she wanted to use her silverware to stab Ino. That or anything else that came to hand. Ino then looked at Shikamaru from her position hugging Suki(for supposed comfort, though the twitching Suki could attest that it did nothing of the sort) and shouted at him. "Shikamaru, you have to restore your wife's honor! Let's find and kill those bastards!"

Shikamaru's left eye began to twitch. How could he take revenge for something that was a supposed S rank secret, when the only person remaining that could be taken revenge against happened to be his wife. How was a man to respond to this? This time he couldn't even run off into the kitchen. So, he responded by putting the largest piece of meat into his mouth that he could find(stolen from Suki's plate, of course) and muttered at Ino. "Too much work. She is troublesome enough." The only word that Ino understood was the word 'troublesome'. Unfortunately she took it the wrong way. She must have assumed that he was directing it at her.

Well, that was the only reason he could think of for that punch to the face. Years of practice kept him from losing his meat he had stolen from his wife's plate. His recovery was perfect, landing on his feet and all the food on his plate perfectly preserved, all except for the angry girl still having her fist raised. Ignoring her, he grabbed another mouthful and settled back into his seat. "Eh, if we come across the guy maybe. I mean if I ever run into the guy he wont be able to compare to a ninja like myself, so why bother looking for some one that wont be a challenge or pay very well. So, really, why bother?" Suki was giving him a glare now, seeing what he was trying to insinuate. The rest of the table just assumed that she was angry that he wasn't restoring her lost honor.

Ino is trembling, angry over his disinterest in regaining some idea of honor that his wife had. Chouji was silently(so as not to incur the wrath of Ino) agreeing with Shikamaru, as did his father. His mother and Tsunade were both trying not to laugh, judging by the cups at their lips. They hid their smiles behind the feigned drinking of water. Or at least what he hoped was water. A drunk Tsunade was something he didn't want to experience at dinner. Then again, seeing his mother drunk at the dinner table would probably trump that.

Of course, he didn't count on Ino jumping onto him and raining blows on him. Thank goodness for the family practice of wearing armor. He just needed to protect his face and hope that the codpiece would be enough. Ino alone was not that hard. She was easy to block, as he had been used to her random attacks upon her person over the last few years. She stopped for a moment. "Suki, do you want a piece of him too? He did insult your honor!"

"Sure, why not. I owe him for last night anyways." Suki said with a grin as she stood up from her chair. Now things were getting complicated. He really hoped that the seal would kick in, before she caused any lasting damage. He was not the best friend of the nearest medic nin, and said medical ninja would probably just break more of his bones just to see how he would react.

Nasuri woke up in a tent, with her hands tied behind her back. She was wondering how she had ended up here, until she remembered Hiashi's words. _"Tonight you are going to be captured by their border patrol, and then you need to awaken yourself, free yourself, and then change back and save yourself, as Naruto Uzumaki will lead the retrieval team. So please remember that when you wake up." _That conniving jerk! Nasuri swore that she would kick him into the dirt next. Still, she knew that she only had a short amount of time until the retrieval party would come.

Trying to move, she felt a serious problem. She was not being held down with just rope. There were some large chains as well, and some sort of chakra was in them. Giving it a guess, it would probably let the whole camp know that she was trying to escape. Trying to shift her body, she saw the next problem. The bottom of her kimono had a number of explosive notes tied to it, the strings leading behind her. Great, now that was an issue. She managed to look behind to see how she was tied(she would never admit it but being a girl had a lot of benefits when it came to being limber) and saw that the explosive notes were connected to the chains hoolding her hands, which was very bad. She couldn't get her hands free without blowing herself sky high. Not only that, but it would also destroy the kimono, and under no circumstances would he run around naked in this female form.

Hinata would kill him, no, Hiashi would kill him! If Nasuri was caught in such a situation, no force would save her from either of them, much less Tsunade when she would find out. Then again she might just laugh it off and tell him to grow up. Women were just too annoying to try and understand, even when Nasuri was one of them.

Seeing no way out, Nasuri molded her chakra. Instead of feeling the usual rush of chakra, she felt the chains draining it before she could even perform a single jutsu. With a start she realized that she had been totally captured. What made her even more uncomfortable was the sound of boots coming nearer. Nasuri gulped, never having been trained in surviving interrogation or anything, and she especially knew that girls were more vulnerable.

Well, at least she was hoping that rescue team would get here before anything happened. Naruto certainly wasn't going to be able to help.

Shikamaru managed to use his shadow manipulation to remove the two angry women from his person. Soon after this he forced them back into their seats. This was more for the sake of eating his own food rather than survival. I mean, he sacrificed a lot of time to cook all of this, and it would be wrong to not eat it. Much to his surprise Chouji and Suki had polished off his plate. With a groan he settled back into his seat, watching as the last portion of his meat disappeared into Chouji's throat.

"What gives you the right to eat all my food, Choujji." He said calmly.

Chouji pointed at Suki. "She said you were done and I could have the rest."

Shikamaru looked over at Suki, who was smirking. "Troublesome woman. You're cooking breakfast."

Suki just ignored him as he said this. Of course, she would do something like this. He was very tempted to repeat his last statement, but Tsunade interrupted further commentary.

"Alright, thank you for the great dinner, Nara-san." She said, directing her comment towards Shikamaru. She probably recognized the fact that he was the thing that really held this dinner together. Those ANBU were at least good for something. "Everyone should leave while I discuss a mission with Shikamaru. It is urgent."

That ended any thoughts of staying around, which saved Shikamaru from a lot of awkward questions from Chouji and Suki from Ino and her own set of awkward questions. His parents took it in stride and left through the new doorway from the kitchen, saying that they would fix it up within the week. Thankfully his mother didn't explode again, she must have come to terms with her kitchen being destroyed. He did happen to hear her squawk in outrage at the still burning spit in the kitchen, however. Thankfully the hokage was enough of a buffer to save him from his mothers wrath.

Tsunade motioned to the couches and settled on the far one herself, making sure that Suki and Shikamaru would have to share the other one, which was smaller. Without a word they both sat on the small couch as far from each other as possible, which was not as far as they would prefer. "Alright, you two. I am only going to explain this once. Suki, we placed eight different seals upon your body. You can probably guess what some of them do."

Shikamaru gave a smirk. "At least one of them protects me. The others don't matter so much." Suki said nothing. She wanted information, and she was not going to mess up her chance to get it.

"You might disagree. At the top of the list is the seal keeping you from leaving Konoha. After that is the one protecting Shikamaru. The third is the one keeping you from divulging your origins." That all made sense to Shikamaru, though he saw that Suki wasn't surprised by any of it. "The fourth is your obedience seal, which allows I or Shikamaru the right to command you to do anything." Suki grimaced at that. She couldn't tolerate people controlling her life. "Fifth is a seal that doesn't allow you to mold chakra. The last three are less potent, but they keep you from using weapons or wearing clothing that doesn't suit your new position in life. The other one in that set won't allow you to sleep unless it's near your husband."

Suki groaned. "So effectively I am being turned into a trophy that you can wave to the other nations, showing your victory over my clan? A I just supposed to live out my life here doing nothing useful?" Suki's voice rose as she started ranting. "You send a ninja to turn me into a woman, and now you simply expect me to just sit here and look like the epitome of a slave? I will not stand for this!"

Tsunade nodded. "You're right. Sit down and ill tell you how to remove the seals."

Suki was rather confused by this. Shikamaru just enjoyed the fact that her glare wasn't focused on him right now. "Wait, you are providing a way for me to remove them?"

Tsunade nodded. Then she gave Shikamaru a smile. "It is a very simple thing. All you need to do is give your husband a very large gift." Shikamaru was feeling a chill go up his spine.

Suki was cautious. This was Tsunade after all, and you could never expect everything to be as she said it was. "You don't mean that I have to sleep with him, right? That sounds like something that Naruto's perverted sensei would make me do."

Tsunade laughed. "Actually that is exactly what I'm asking." She paused for dramatic effect, at which Suki started twitching. "No," she paused again. "You simply have to bear his children." She said this as calmly as possible. Shikamaru's mind started thinking at a fast rate. Children meant that the Council was involved. Most likely under the clan restoration act or something along those lines. They wanted the Sharingan, and they had devised a brilliant way to get it back. Suki would have a child, or possibly more, and then those children would belong to Konoha, and the Nara clan.

"What?" Suki was mostly sputtering random incoherent words beyond that.

Tusnade carried on as if she hadn't heard the complaint. "For every child you bear, a seal will be removed. If the child is not Shikamaru's, then a seal will not be removed. They will be removed in the order that they were applied, starting with control over your appearance and the right to hold weapons." Tsunade then took a long moment of silence. "I am sure you can see the goal of this. Konoha is the home of the Uchiha," Suki grimaced at the word, "and their return will be something we are continually interested in. If you ever wish to be able to be a ninja again or leave this village you will do so under these terms." She said with a tone of finality. "Do you have any questions?"

Suki was livid, and shaking in rage. Probably just a pride thing. Thankfully she couldn't hurt anyone, or else he would be in serious trouble. "She will once she has calmed down, Hokage-sama. Right now I think she just wants to stab you." She did not refute the statement. Suki's eyes just continued to glare and focus on Tsunade.

Tsunade laughed and stood up. "Well, you know where to find me. Don't hesitate to come and ask. I'll send a genin squad to come and fix up some of the damage here. They should be around some time tomorrow morning. Until then, you both should talk about when you want to remove those seals." With that, she stood up and talked out the front door, and left them both to their fates.

Suki stayed speechless, still contemplating what this meant. Shikamaru had already decided. "You once said that you wanted to restore your clan." Her glare shifted from the featureless wall to him. He did not flinch, even though she was giving off a good chunk of killer intent. Or at least she would had she been able to mold chakra. He continued speaking. "I guess you have to settle for my useless family to do so. Anyways, I am going to go sleep for as long as I can." He stretched, knowing she was wanting to kill him very badly at that moment. "If you want to sleep then you know where to find me."

He went upstairs to the largest bed, strangely in the guest room. He figured he could be nice to his so called wife and use the largest bed. His parents, as much as they fought, used a bed that barely fit the two of them completely. His own bed was a simple twin sized one, and he wouldn't subject Suki to that. So he used the guest bed. He was dead tired, after missing an entire two nights of sleep in a row, and the bed felt wonderful. Still, he forced himself to stay awake to see what Suki would do.

He did not have to wait long. Suki hadn't slept anywhere but an ANBU torture cell for the last two months. She slipped into the room like the shinobi she used to be, making sure not to make too much noise, and then slipped into the farthest part of the bed from him. She made no noise and did not seem to care or show concern that he was there. She didn't even check to see if he was awake. Maybe she anticipated him waiting for her, maybe not.

"Don't forget to make breakfast tomorrow." He muttered, letting her know that he was awake.

Her response was use her cold feet to push into his back. Ending up on the floor, he groaned in annoyance. It had just been getting nice and warm too. "That better mean that you're cooking more than just rice." He muttered, getting back onto his side of the bed and ignoring his wife. Sleep soon claimed both of them.


	5. She said he said

Disclaimer this, disclaimer that, all you need to know is that this is owned by someone who has a greater interest in the plot than I do in the romantic side quests. I do not own Naruto, otherwise something terrible would have castrated Sasuke a long time ago.

Shikamaru groaned as he woke up in the morning. It was cold and it was uncomfortable, and he easily saw the reason why. That brat wife of his had stolen all of the blankets and hadn't given them back when she got out of bed. His body looked like he had slept outside all night. Well, she owed him one. Coming downstairs, he took his time in getting ready, making sure to use all of the hot water. If she hadn't showered yet that should give her a wake up call.

Coming to the kitchen, he saw his sometime wife poised over the rice cooker, seemingly defensive of the food. Well he wasn't having any of that. Using a couple of jutsu he stole what seemed to be half of the rice and procured himself his breakfast. Suki didn't like this one bit.

"Hey! I just cooked that!" She yelled at him, still contained in his jutsu.

"Eh." He shrugged. "It's too troublesome to cook for myself, and you look like you need to be on a diet."

Her face turned red in anger. "A diet? What do I look like to you, numb nuts!" If she wasn't contained by a shadow jutsu she might be trying to hurt him, seal or no.

"Well you aren't pregnant so I am guessing you don't need as much food to stay alive. Not to mention you don't need to do much beyond housework. Speaking of which, I am going to go and figure out how to fix the kitchen. You just try and clean up what is left. That genin team should be on its way soon." Before she could try and attack him, he walked out the front door and only broke his connection with the jutsu when he was maximum range. This avoided the greatest chance at yelling and screaming from his so-called wife.

Plus, he just needed to get away from her. He might have a mission to keep her out of trouble for the rest of her life, but he needed a little time alone to keep himself together. So, he wandered to the hokage tower. As he did so he noticed a team of ninja under Ebisu leave heading in the direction of his home. What was that little bugger's name? Konohimari? Konohako? Whatever. He did remember that the kid was pretty cheeky when he wanted to be. He was Asuma sensei's nephew. Shikamaru knew the kid by sight, and by reputation. Hopefully he could get Suki to unload on him rather than Shikamaru himself.

Coming inside the tower, he came up to the ninja insurance agent. She was a stocky woman, definitely a desk ninja. She also more than slightly resembled her desk. Though he would never mention it to the woman's face, he thought she was more useless than Suki made him out to be. Then again, anyone who wanted to file a claim had to work through her. Being an insurance ninja, she was the only reliable way for Konoha ninja to get monetary supplements to cover damages to training grounds, civilian property, and most importantly their own homes.

"Takimari-san," Shikamaru began, "I have a claim to file a claim."

The mound of flesh groaned. "If the village rumors are correct, then yes you do Nara-san." She began to move piles of paper with slight movements of her overly large forearms. "Congratulations on getting married. I hear the girl fits in nicely." The slurred tones coming from the triple-chinned monstrosity of an insurance ninja made it hard to understand some syllables. Shikamaru didn't say anything, not trusting his mouth to blurt out some side comment that would get his insurance plan revoked.

Finally, the woman found the paperwork she was looking for. "Ah, yes." The lips moved but he tried not to look at the sight. "Your father has already filed a claim, and only needs your signature before sending in a crew to repair the house. Please sign here."

Shikamaru took the offered paper and pen(which looked more like a toothpick in her hands) and signed the paper. Trying to ignore the mound of flesh moving to file the document after he signed it, he got away before he got the dry heaves. Working with the insurance ninja was always difficult. In fact, she was one of the few ninja that seemed to be untouchable. She was not important enough to merit an assassination attempt, though some would claim otherwise, and yet she wielded enough power that most people stayed clear of her. In fact, he was pretty sure that even Naruto avoided her notice when he did his pranks.

Stepping away from the desk that every ninja avoided whenever possible, he retreated to the safe distance of the stairs. Unfortunately, he ran into another person he did not want to see right now. Backing up, he felt a spike of killer intent right as he plowed into someone. Judging by how he landed and the feeling of what his head was resting on, he assumed it was Tsunade, and more importantly, he was in a very compromising situation.

"Shikamaru Nara! I dearly hope you are not mistaking me for you wife, or else you might lose that hand of yours!" Tsunade's voice echoed from right behind his head. He had been reaching back to try and extricate himself, but his hand had only encountered something he would consider volatile. He did not get the chance to reply, as Tsunade took action violently.

That led to his next predicament, being flung over the rooftops of the village. Considering his airtime, along with the likelihood that Tsunade had aimed correctly, he would guess that she might have been planning on this. Like he would ever say that to her face, though. With the amount of time he had to think, he decided that he would have to give Naruto some credit. That guy took this kind of abuse a lot, and the survival of this throw was mostly dependent upon his use of some ninjutsu to avoid the damage of impact. Though he was not looking forward to the landing, he did make a note to thank Tsunade for allowing him to avoid the boring waste of time the walk home would be. She had thrown him right towards his house.

He had some time to think about how he would land this. Coming to the conclusion, he saw that brat nephew of Asuma's in the middle of an argument with Suki. Perfect. He knew just the way to piss off the both of them. If anyone looked up at the flying Nara, they would see his boredom flat on his face, even while being flung across the village. Extending his shadow jutsu, he used the tentacles of shadow to slow him down. They were not stopping him completely, no not one bit. He still reserved a lot of the speed he had built up. More importantly, the shadow binding tentacles could direct his flight ever so slightly.

So, with the slightest of grins on his face, he allowed himself to land on Asuma-sensei's brat nephew with all the remaining force he had built up. He slid on the cheeky genin for a dozen feet, and then got off of him without any harm at all. Getting up, he noticed the angry look on Suki's face and the unconscious one on the genin's. Of course the might have something to do with receiving Shikamaru to the back of the head. Glancing and shrugging at each person in turn, he walked towards his house.

"What did you do that for! I was arguing with him!" Suki said, obviously finding this more interesting than housework.

Knowing that many of his clan and neighbors had noticed all of this, along with the state of the bratty genin, he answered to keep his cover. "You look better when you don't argue. Next time leave ninja to me to deal with." He said this to emphasize to her her state as a non-ninja, which he hoped would get the right effect. This just made Suki get angrier and yell at him for being useless and gutless, and then go stomping back into the house as he just sat there and listened, simply yawning in response to her more scathing commentary.

Waiting for her to cool down, he came into the house. When he did, he noticed Suki was on the couch waiting for him. She was still wearing the Nara clan dress, though he figured that was simply because she didn't have anything else. She was clutching the side of said clothing, glaring at him with one of those unknowable feminine emotions of hers. Though that might be simply that she was trying to do her intimidating glare that had worked as a male, but on her female face it looked more like a pout, especially without the ability to use her chakra to create killer intent. Then again he could just be guessing about all of this.

He ignored her, going past her into the remains of the kitchen to grab some ration bars or something to eat. Grabbing something unidentifiable, he came back and ate it while seeing how Suki was doing. Just because he thought she was a hardly reformed homicidal killer didn't mean that he didn't care. He just didn't like to show it. That took effort. So, he came and sat down across from her in the family room.

"I need clothes. Something with pants." She finally said, with a depressed note in her voice. She was clutching the sides of her dress, obviously not happy that she had no control over the most basic things in life. Of course, he could say no, but he did actually care in this situation. Then again, if he just said yes then it would seem like he had no control or desire to control the situation. What a conundrum. So, he decided, they would just have to compromise.

Well, he could say both. "Yes to the first, no to the second. You are a housewife, you don't need pants." Oh yeah, that did it. She was back to her angry mode, glaring at him, except that this time he planned on it and was in control of how she was getting angry.

"What? What kind of restriction is that?"

"Eh." He shrugged, knowing it would just piss her off more. "Troublesome woman, I can just tell you right now that Nara women always wear skirts. If my mother saw you in pants I would probably get stabbed. So to avoid future trouble I am saying no right now." Her hands clenched, twitching as he spoke. Perfect.

"What are you, a weak little child? She does not have to be in every part of your life!" Suki let go of the sides of her dress. "Be a man and let me have some pants." Letting her wear the pants in this relationship would be a bad idea, he decided. Well, perhaps he could force a compromise out of this. Shikamaru was happy that she was at least still willing to talk to him.

"If I let you wear pants one day of the week, you'll be a proper housewife the other six." He offered, looking to see if she would accept a compromise.

Suki's eyes narrowed. "Five days of pants and I might be a housewife for two."

"Three days, but two of them you hide it under a skirt." He was not going to compromise easily. There was no incentive for him to do so.

"I won't be a housewife for six, you hear me? And I want pants at least half the week."

"Fine. If you are going to be like that I won't take you shopping for anything." If she didn't compromise now, well, then he would go stare at clouds from the roof for a few hours.

Suki was quiet for a long moment. In consideration, most of what the village would refer to as their relationship was full of long silent moments, punctuated by yelling and nagging. Or at least that was his perspective on the matter. She took a moment to consider her options, and then took a careful look rather than a painful glare at Shikamaru.

"What if I promise to do all the laundry?"

Shikamaru was smiling to himself. Maybe he could make this work. "I could agree to that. Now when do you want to go and buy some new clothes for yourself?" With that seal he would have to come with her anyways. Seeing Suki smile very slightly, he considered this the first of many small delicate victories.

Nasuri Senju, or rather Naruto Uzumaki, was not having a good day. Firstly, Shino had yelled at her all day, some bull crap about her not acting like a proper victim. Then Hiashi goes and drugs her sweet sacred ramen, and now she was captured by some ninja from another country! Pulling against the chains behind her, she found no further traction in her attempts to escape.

Not to mention the stupid kimono was still on her, and it was most certainly not meant for ninja duties. Then she saw something moving at the edge of the tent. Sitting as still as possible, she saw the head of a small dog poke its way through the underside of the tent. Attached to the pug faced dog's head was a camera, which was rolling. Oh, Kakashi was going to get it.

"Pakkun, what are you doing here?" She whispered to the dog.

The dog settled down at one end of the tent, seemingly trying to get the best angle for the camera. "The rescue team will be here any minute now Senju-san, and I was told by Kakashi to get the best view." The ninja dogs were very effective burrowers. Of course they would be the ones to come here. Now Nasuri had to avoid using any techniques that were purely Naruto's, otherwise Pakkun would be able to tell that they were one and the same. That was a serious problem.

This meant that she would have to rely upon the rescue team. She did not have to wait long. Soon she could hear the sounds of combat, and then one of the enemy ninja came into the tent. He was a younger ninja, and couldn't be older than fifteen. He came in, and seemed to not be able to tell the dog was in the tent. Of course, that could have something to do with the loose thrice-damned kimono.

"Well? Are you here to see the view or are you going to let me go?" Nasuri asked confidently.

The ninja's eyes finally rose to her face. She gave him a pouting look, very much perfected after her time with Hinata. "Why are we being attacked? Who the heck are you?" He seemed confused.

She took a moment to consider. Maybe if these guys knew that this was a movie then they would just let her go. Yeah, that actually sounded like a rather good idea. Also, hopefully they would let her hands go so she could fix the stupid kimono. "We are filming the Icha Icha Paradise movie. We needed a scene where one of the characters had to be rescued. So they drugged my food and probably dumped me in your camp. Can you please let me go?"

Unfortunately the young man didn't hear anything past the first sentence. He went running outside, yelling for his Jounin-sensei. She could clearly hear him start talking to him.

"Sensei, they are here to rescue that girl we found!"

"Well, why don't we just give her back? We have no use for her."

"Sensei, they are filming the Icha Icha Movie, and we get to be in it! This is a filmed scene!"

"Hah! She is probably lying to you. If this were a movie there would be cameras. If she is telling the truth though, I would be supremely honored to be able to assist in the making of the movie. I am the greatest fan in all of Iwa, after all."

"Uh, doesn't your brother claim the same thing?" The sound of fist meeting the back of someone's head rang out. "Understood Sensei."

Then Nasuri heard the sound of lots of feet. She poised, ready to try anything to escape from all this. She heard the Jounin from Iwa speak first. "That, um, that is a lot of cameras. I guess she is right, we are in a movie." She heard shuffling as the other and last of the border patrol awoke. "I suppose we can do our best."

The Jounin came into the tent and grabbed her by the pole she was tied to. He was smiling, obviously pleased that he would participate in the movie. Then he took a long, awkward look at her clothes. She not so quietly expressed her displeasure when his eyes didn't make it to her face. He shook himself awake, and then dragged her out to the center of their camp. She could now see that every camera that the crew had was in the open, able to see the camp from every angle. Kakashi gave her a thumbs up from his position in a tree. Nasuri wanted to give him a middle finger back.

Finally, the rescue team arrived. It was made up of Sakura, Tenten, Kiba, and… himself. Nasuri's eyes bugged out, not quite believing what she was seeing. Who was impersonating her male side? Whoever it was, they were doing it all wrong. They were walking too carefully, they were not looking up and staring down the enemy combatants, and then lastly they were not even leading everyone. Hiashi landed between the two groups, as it was now obvious that the border patrol knew what was going on. Of course Shino would probably appreciate that a lot more. Speaking of the man, he was up in a tree guiding everything, from his chair. She grinned slightly as she saw that he was still nursing an ice pack from earlier.

Shino came into the clearing, bringing his chair with him. She could swear that she saw a hint of an arrogant smile when he noticed her, but it was unlikely that anyone would notice it. "Action!" Shino yelled, and the cameras started really rolling. Of course they were already recording from earlier, but now it was more serious. Hiashi, out of view of the cameras facing both sides, held up a sign declaring the lines for everyone. Nasuri could only see the ones hastily written up for the Iwa nin. Kiba spoke up for the rescue team, as Nasuri was guessing that her duplicate was under a henge, which didn't conceal their voice.

"Hey! Give back Nasuri!" What? They were going by their real names? Well, at least that made acting easier. Now she didn't have to memorize a whole bunch of new names. Still, she was tied up and the guy holding her was a pervert. This gave her reason enough to cry out when said pervert shook the pole she was tied to.

"You want her back?" The Jounin said, with a grin, not at all faked. He seemed to be radiating pleasure to be part of all this. "Come get her if you dare!" He said, reading off of the sign. Nasuri was not enjoying how much the Iwa ninja were getting into this. Hopefully this wouldn't happen the next time they came near a border. As she thought this, she realized that she would probably be forced to do the same thing again.

At least the rest of the Iwa ninjas were looking at this realistically. Or at least she hoped so. The more this continued, the more that Shino would take advantage of her being in this tied up and hostage state. Thoughts of what he could do brought a grimace to Nasuri's face. As she was considering all of the horrible and disgracing things that Shino could and might do, the battle between the two groups of shinobi had commenced, all somewhat non lethal and all directions covered by cameras.

Nasuri was getting jostled around, until finally the Iwa ninja holding her was brutally attacked. By himself, of course. Now that was disconcerting. She could see her male side's impersonator gracefully and flawlessly executing moves that forced the Iwa ninja to go on the defensive. He really had to go all out, trying to both carry Nasuri and hold off the attacker. The rest of the chuunin on the team were in for worse trouble. Fighting Tenten and Sakura was like fighting a wall of sharp pointy objects and a wrecking ball. The two girls were holding their own easily, and Kiba had used one of his family's signature jutsu to drive the last chuunin right into the treeline. The Jounin was the last to go, and he was fighting pretty hard to keep up. Nasuri was just annoyed because with all of his moving she couldn't get a good idea of who her impersonator was.

Finally the fake Naruto was closing in for the kill. With a couple of clear strikes to the arms the Iwa Jounin could no longer block the impersonator's strikes. Then the fake Naruto surrounded his right fist with chakra, spinning it in a rough form of Rasengan. It was bright, it was showy, but it wouldn't really hurt the Jounin when it hit. As he tried to get back on his feet Nasuri got a good look at the impersonator right as he charged in. She could see a flicker of black hair as the fake Naruto charged in, and then she saw the way he stepped up to the ninja holding her. It was _too_ graceful for a male ninja. Then it suddenly all made sense. Hinata was masquerading as himself. The rasengan lookalike smashed into the ninja holding her, and caused a few unwanted effects. The first was that it destabilized, exploding and releasing the energy into both ninja fighting. Nasuri shot straight into the air, while the unfortunate Iwa ninja slammed into a few tents and a tree stump. She couldn't see where Hinata had been sent, but she still winced at the thought. Naruto certainly remembered how often that would happen to him when he was doing training for the rasengan.

Nasuri's trip lasted for all of three seconds until someone caught her. Her hands were still in the obnoxious cuffs, but the pole she had been tied to had been damaged in the explosion and fight between Hinata and the Iwa jounin. Her legs hung free, still tied together, but her hands were still irrevocably tied to the pole. Looking up, she saw the face of her would be rescuer. To her total disgust it was Kiba. He had a grin on his face, and she did not like the direction his thoughts were going. Of course this may have had something to do with the fact that his eyes were certainly not looking at her face. She swore that this kimono was going right into the fire tonight. It had given her enough trouble.

"You alright?" He asked, not at all looking at her face to see her reaction. Then something came to their attention. Hiashi was holding up a new sign, with clear writing on it, probably to make sure she understood it. It simply said, 'kiss your rescuer.' Kiba read it too, and got a weird looking grin on his face. She just glared, which made it all the more unfortunate that he didn't see that.

"Pervert Hentai!" Her legs were free, and she could still move chakra through them. Kiba found this out the direct way. He fell, making a grasping motion in between his legs, and his eyes rolled up a little bit as he tried to comprehend the amount of pain he just experienced. Served him right, for thinking of her in such a way. This also made him drop her.

Nasuri didn't want to, but with all the anxiety of the situation, she let off a little bit of a girlish squeak, she refused to call it a scream, as she fell again towards the ground. Before she could hit the ground and possibly look even more helpless and girlish, someone else caught her. This person was much more welcome, as it was the comforting arms of Hinata, who actually looked like Naruto at the moment.

Nasuri tried to not move very much in Hinata's arms. She had been forced to do some very quick moves to grab Nasuri. As a result their faces were right next to each other, Nasuri almost tucked into the fake Naruto's shoulder. Taking a deep breath, the only thing she heard for a few moments was the winded breathing of Hinata and herself. Then Hiashi brought her attention back to the sign he was carrying. His scowl seemed even deeper than normal, though considering what the movie was requiring them to do, Hinata's father would be understandably angry.

But, Nasuri kissing Hinata, right here and now? She bit her lower lip as she looked at her supposed rescuer as she thought about this. She had no idea the effect this had. Her face was what any director would call picture perfect. Yeah, of course she was Naruto's girlfriend, but would she tolerate Nasuri kissing her? Would Hinata accept this as part of the movie? Then again, it might not even be convincing at all, and Shino would want to repeat the scene. That thought did it. No more repeats today. She had been tied up enough.

So, she tried to explain herself but no words came out of her mouth. The idea of kissing someone as Nasuri had her stuttering too badly to utter anything to explain herself. That left only one real option. She leaned forward and kissed Hinata. The blush must have been apparent on her cheeks, as there was a camera close enough to be considered criminal. It was strangely different to kiss as a girl. It was more sensitive, in a way.

Hinata was having a more difficult time. The henge no jutsu had to be maintained by constant chakra flow, carefully regulated and calmly guided to control your form. Hinata could not maintain that. The kiss finished when both of them gasped and the henge failed. The casting crew's reaction was less than pleasant.

Most of dogs, Kakashi, Gai, and Kankurou were all trying to continue filming while experiencing heavy nosebleeding. Shino had the barest hint of a nosebleed, and the Iwa ninjas, if they weren't unconscious before, they sure were now. To make all of this even better, Hinata then fainted in embarrassment. Nasuri was still tied up, and now she was stuck under Hinata. To her utter disgrace the cameras continued filming. The only thing that kept her from exploding completely was the mortified look on Hiashi's face.

"Tell me we don't have to reshoot that!" She yelled from her prone position.

Shino walked up, actually rather calmly. He started to untie her, being more civil than he had been all day. "No, that was more than perfect Senju-san. Anyone watching that scene in the movie is going to have a hard time making it through the rest. We might have to cut the girl on girl kissing scene so that viewers will actually make it through the entire movie." He wiped his nose after he had completely untied her. "If I had known that you were into girls we could have had this done hours ago."

Nasuri needed an outlet for her fury. She had been locked up, had her ramen drugged(a capital crime to her), been filmed kissing her girlfriend, and completely insulted by that last scene. Shino, with his latest scathing comment he became the target of her ire. With a battle cry of "Die! Pervert!" she charged.

"Those aren't pants. That wasn't what I agreed to." Suki said, looking at the selection Shikamaru had brought her to. They were in the closest civilian clothing store to his house. It was the easiest to walk to and was somewhat large. Suki was looking at the current selection, which consisted of some shorts, none of them long enough to reach the knees.

"I seem to remember that you wore about the same when you were a genin." He said quietly enough for the other customers not to hear. He made sure to choose from this pile. She said she wanted pants, but he knew that if he gave her an inch she would take a mile.

"I see how it is. You want me to look like some sort of live-in prostitute, don't you?"

He grabbed something racy from a nearby pile, not bothering to see the size. "Eh, I could always tell you to wear this, but you asked for pants. You never said how long they had to be."

"How about we agree that I wanted pants, not shorts." She said, eyeing a rack full of the desired items.

Shikamaru tested her resolve on that. "I might agree to that if you give up a day of wearing them."

That earned a glare. "I already agreed to laundry for you, useless!" She wanted to stab him, he could tell, her hands were shaking and forming around imaginary kunai.

"Is that a lover's spat I hear?" Both of them froze at the sound of a third person. Suki and Shikamaru shuddered, knowing that their day was about to get much worse. Worse in the fact that Suki was supposed to be a civilian, and Shikamaru had to keep anyone from knowing otherwise. From around the rack of clothing Ino Yamanaka came, like a predatory animal. Suki repressed a groan. He didn't.

"I need to invent a new word for troublesome women." Voicing his thoughts, Ino chose to ignore them. Unfortunately he had hoped to get her angry at him so that he could get her out of their hair before-

"Hey! You guys are out shopping!" Well, that blew it. Now there was no escape. "Can I help? Please?" Shikamaru really wanted to say no. He honestly wanted to. But he remembered the last time someone said no to Ino and a shopping trip. It was one of the most murderous actions he had ever seen Ino perform.

So, with great fear rightly placed, he sighed. "I suppose. Suki is looking for some clothes that are good for housework. She doesn't own much." Suki glared at him. She knew exactly what he was doing.

Sadly for her, this worked exactly as intended. Ino came to Suki's 'defense' and rushed over to her. "Oh my gosh! I know just the store for you! Come on!" Suki no longer had any ability to manifest chakra, but by the way she dragged her feet she certainly tried to escape from Ino's grasp. Shikamaru just put his hands in his pockets and just simply followed. He already knew that this trip would be hellish, but he really was hoping he would just have to carry the bags.

Ino took off towards another part of town, still with a solid grasp on Suki. Shikamaru slowly but surely followed, far enough away to keep Suki in his line of sight but not close enough to be the subject of her glares. To him this was simply ironic. If Ino knew that the girl she was escorting had once been Sasuke Uchiha, and now was giving suggestions on wardrobe, well it would be a chickfight of epic proportions. Of course, Shikamaru deduced that he would most likely be killed off in the collateral damage, as both women would hold him responsible. On the other hand it would be nice to die with such an image in his mind.

Eventually Ino arrived at a very high class clothing store. Shikamaru already was getting a bad feeling for his wallet as soon as he saw the signs on the door. Trying to catch up to the two walking sources of economic disaster was impossible. The likelihood of him being able to avoid this was also extremely low. So, hoping and praying he would somehow gain another thirty thousand ryo overnight, he grudgingly followed the two girls into the store.

"Oh, good, he caught up to us." Ino said happily. She had obviously been having a one-sided conversation with Suki the entire walk over. Suki was looking less and less amused by this trip. Unfortunately for both of them she had wanted new clothes, and neither wanted to negotiate about this again. This was all just too troublesome anyways, and Shikamaru for one had no reason to repeat any of it. "Suki hasn't really told me much but she says that you know better than she does what she needs to get." Ino's happy grin faded to one of those darker feminine emotions. "Why exactly would she say that, when we both know that your fashion sense is non-existent?" Suki was giving him a smirk from behind Ino.

So it had degenerated to this, then. They were using Ino to fight against one another. So, considering what kind of effect this would have upon his and Ino's relationship, he thought about his next move to counter the expected move from Suki. She probably expected him to either give in to Ino's demands or put up a front, something she could convince Ino to work through. Suki's goal would probably be the acquisition of pants, and any other comforts she could get away with. Either expected route would probably lead to Suki getting away with it, so he had to do something different.

The five seconds or so it had taken him to draw this conclusion were enough to just ward off as him being lazy. "I just want my wife to look better than everybody else. Is that such a bad thing to want?" He changed the game. Now he was playing into Ino's interests. That should stop Suki from getting what she wanted. For some reason that gave him a deep sense of satisfaction to know that he could shut down her plan so easily.

"Well, that's actually not too unreasonable, coming from you, Shikamaru." Ino said, believing that he was telling the truth. "I guess I brought you to the right store then, this place is the most expensive store in Konoha for clothing." He groaned. This was going to take an S-rank to pay off. Ino then gave Suki a very careful eye. She went over her, walked around her, and generally got an idea of what she was working with. Suki just looked slightly uncomfortable as Ino circled her, not really knowing what would happen. Shikamaru at least took consolation in the fact that Suki would find this extremely aggravating.

Ino, after taking her sighted measurements, dragged Suki over to the first area of the store. "What exactly were you guys looking to buy, anyways?"

Suki was about to speak up but Shikamaru interrupted before she could screw up his plans. "Eh, she is looking for a few dresses and three pairs of pants. If you can, make her look like she is actually a member of nobility." He shrugged. "She isn't very cultured but I know you well enough that you could turn her around." Suki did not look very amused at the last bit, but before she could say something in edgewise Ino squealed. Both of them looked at her in confusion.

"So that means you don't care how much this costs?" She asked with a gleeful smile.

Oh, he was going to regret this. "No, not really. I don't ever spend my money on anything but the occasional cigarette or game of shogi." That didn't mean he liked to spend money. On the contrary, he really liked knowing that he had a lot of money to fall back on. He cringed inwardly at the thought of how expensive this was going to be. At least his mother would approve of this. She would consider it romantic somehow.

"So, you are really meaning that we can get anything for her?" Ino must really be planning on going all out on this. Well, it would hurt his wallet, but it would cost Suki her pride.

"Yeah, she can try on anything that meets your approval." Suki glowered at that. He was basically telling her that she could only try on clothes selected by Ino. Thanks to her seal she had no choice in the matter. She gave him a rude hand gesture as Ino dragged her deeper into the store. With a sigh he accepted it and wondered if he was ever going to catch a break.

"Shikamaru, you are going to pay for what you did to me!" Someone yelled from nearby, sounding very angry.

Nope, not likely. There was no rest for the wicked. Not that he himself was wicked of course, except for maybe how he treated Suki. But that, he told himself, was justified.

Nasuri was on the hunt. Shino had burst into a bug clone and since then she had been seeking any signs of the renegade director. For a member of a ninja tracking team he certainly was good at his job. She would have been surprised to know that the man in question had buried himself almost two hundred feet underground to avoid her. So, she searched fruitlessly. When she finally gave up searching, she had drained herself completely of chakra and was exhausted and dirty. She wouldn't change back into her other self until her chakra came back.

Trudging into camp, she pulled a twig from her hair. Being a ninja camp, everyone noticed when she returned. The women looked at her with some sort of hostility, and the men either looked at her with lust in their eyes or ran away fearfully. Kiba and Gai were among the latter group. This was probably in reaction to her kissing Hinata earlier.

In consideration, she could always claim that she thought she was kissing Naruto. It would help foster a sense of difference from her other self, and make sure that people wouldn't see that they were the same person. So, she set her face into a grimace and walked further into camp.

First things first, though. This kimono had to go, it was going to burn and die. Thankfully someone had already started a fire, so that made half the job easier. Before she could burn it, she needed replacements. People might get some weird ideas if Nasuri raided Hinata for clothes, especially with that kiss earlier. So, the only other source for clothing was in the large tent of Anko Mitirashi. Nasuri shivered. She didn't know why but she did.

Knocking on the pole, one of the three kunoichi genin in Anko's team stuck her head out. "What do you want Senju-san?"

A shoe hit her in the back of the head. "She's a hime! Don't insult people who can kill perverts with one glare! Now bring that back!" A terse voice called from within. "Come on in, and don't trip over the genin." The said genin groaned and went after the shoe, rubbing her head as she did so. Stepping into the tent, Nasuri could see that every available space was taken up by clothing. Clothing hung from racks, and what wasn't on racks must have been in hundreds of storage seals throughout the tent. It had barely enough room to fit the three genin and their jounin sensei.

Nasuri had to sit down on the only open space available, the futon that the genin must have been occupying before. Anko herself was on another one, and was fixing a tear in some silken cloth. "Ah, well, what can I do for you, today?" Anko asked bluntly, looking at her in a judging manner. It was probably just the dirty clothing and hair.

"I am sick and tired of this kimono, and nearly flashing everyone if anything happens with the wind. Can I get something else?" Nasuri asked, really hoping that her council status would get her out of here with no questions asked.

"Really?" Anko replied. "Shino said that your kimono highlighted your beauty. Do you really want something else?"

"Yes. Yes I do." Nasuri replied calmly, putting another mental note in to kill the perverted director when she had the chance.

Anko reached over to a sealing scroll. "Then this is all I can give you. Filming is a tricky thing, and everyone needs to look their best. Everything else I have is just as revealing as your kimono, or worse." She didn't look sorry in saying that at all. Then again this was the crazy snake lady, and there wasn't much of a way of arguing with her, unless you liked being attacked brutally by snakes while you were sleeping.

"Really?" Nasuri asked skeptically. Reaching over, she grabbed a couple of shirts from the wall and held them up to herself. They certainly covered more than her kimono, or at least she thought they did. It turned out that they were see through, and lacked buttons in any sensible places. Finding another rack, she looked at it and didn't even grab anything. It was full of swimsuits, and Nasuri did not want anything from there. Groaning to herself, she realized that Shino probably had a few swimsuit scenes. "Okay, I might believe you on that. What do the other women think about this?"

Anko laughed. "They don't know yet. You are the first one to come in here. Tomorrow I expect some more of them to come, though those ANBU are going to take some convincing." She laughed again. "Give me that kimono of yours if you need it to get cleaned. My genin are in charge of laundry for the trip." A chorus of groans followed from said genin. This only got Anko laughing. "Off with you then, ill see you in the morning, Senju-sama."

Nasuri just shook her head. Maybe she would raid Hinata's things after all. First, though, she had to change back. Hinata would probably appreciate that. Sprinting away from the camp, she came to the river she had scouted out earlier. After some chakra charged hot water to the face, Naruto was back. And then he shuddered after all that he had been through that day. He had been kidnapped, rescued, kissed Hinata openly, and worst of all, his sacred ramen had been drugged. That was sacrilegious. Then again it was Hiashi who had drugged it, and that man was untouchable. Naruto had only pranked him once in his youth. That had been a serious mistake. To make another attempt now would only result in losing his girlfriend.

So in the interests of keeping his relationship, he decided that the only way he could get back at Hiashi was to make sure to kiss Hinata the right way this time. So coming back into camp, he tried to make it to his tent, but something grabbed him before he could make it back into the clearing.

"Where have you been all day?" The silky voice of Yuna Kushitara asked. Naruto froze, knowing that this was not good. Of course, the kunoichi took advantage of this and pulled him off to the side of the trail, behind a tree. "Some people have been saying that your girlfriend has left you for someone else." Her voice was alluring, and many a lesser man, like Jiraiya, would have fallen for her right then and there.

"Um-" Before Naruto could say anything more she grabbed hold of him and hugged him closely.

"What do say we prove these people right? Or would you prefer to sleep out in the cold, alone? Your girlfriend's father has already announced his desire to murder you, so why don't you come with me to my tent tonight? I promise it will be worth your while…" She was tracing her finger along his neck very sensuously. Oh, sometimes life could be so cruel. Naruto was shaking. Not in fear, but in laughter. This was all because Hinata had been kissing someone else. He knew exactly who Hinata had been kissing. He knew very intimately. So it made it very difficult to not start laughing at Yuna. She assumed that this meant that he was having some sort of difficulty thinking, and started pulling him to her tent.

Before anything further could happen, he was tackled to the ground by another woman. She was nearly angelic in her beauty, and had brunette hair. He didn't know whether to thank her or fear her, for saving him from Yuna. When she helped him back to his feet, he saw three other women of the same perfect quality around him. "If Naruto Uzumaki is no longer dating Hyuuga-san, then he belongs to ANBU team ten!"

He paled. Hiashi was right. The ANBU were after him. They were after him and he had seen their faces. Not to say they weren't nice to look at, but they would have to keep him quiet somehow. Technically it was a village rule to not reveal who was in the ANBU, and to keep that secrecy the ANBU did terrible terrible things to you to make sure you didn't talk. The ANBU team and Yuna were staring each other down, each daring the other to attack.

"What is going on?" A new voice asked. Hinata had stepped out of her tent, or rather their tent. She was looking on at the tense situation, and Naruto being held between the two groups. One look at him, and the panicked look in his eyes, and she realized exactly what was going on. Ignoring the five women ready to tear out each other's throat, she walked over to him and placed her arms around him. Her cheeks were a little red, a sign of her embarrassment. Thinking of what could be making her feel that way, he realized that she was probably thinking of what happened earlier between her and his female half. At this thought he felt a little uncomfortable too.

So, in return he gave her a nice hug, but didn't feel like he could give her a kiss without really embarrassing himself, or worse yet, kissing her like Nasuri did earlier and making her faint. She smiled back at him, and he could almost feel the tension between Yuna and the ANBU turn to Hinata. Obviously the rumors were wrong. Or at least that was what Naruto was hoping they were doing. So, assuming that he would receive no further trouble, he ran at top speed with Hinata in hand back to their tent.

If they had been paying attention in the next tent over they would have seen Hiashi aiming a rude hand gesture in the general direction of Yuna. After which he promptly waved the closest thing he had to a victory fan, a pillow, as wildly as he could without attracting attention to himself. His daughter had saved her relationship again!

Hinata herself made hardly a sound until they made it back into the tent. Then she sighed in relief. Once this was done, she then poked Naruto in the hip, using her jyuuken to make sure he couldn't move his legs.

"Are you quite done embarrassing me?" She said, with a little stuttering. "Do you even realize how they are talking about me now?" she dragged him into their tent, still angry. "Now that you can't run away, you are going to tell me how you will fix this."

Naruto tried to understand that. "Fix what?"

Hinata groaned. "It looked like I was a total lesbian today! I knew it was you in there, but what do you think everyone will be saying? What they are already doing, thinking you are single!" She took a deep breath. "Now tel me how you are going to fix this." She leveled her pale eyes at him

"Um, I could have Nasuri kiss someone else?"

"Naruto!"


End file.
